Coded datadog functionality all by myself, like a big girl. Released 1.5 weeks earlier, so can accomodate other urgent projects and needs. Migration and implementation transparent to the team, as usual. One insident in 2 years of constant development and feature(s) releases. Got put down for only updating on newer communication channels and not sending … Continue reading You’re useless. Imitating work is more important than working, because everybody can see it.
It doesn’t matter, what you’ve created nor “how much you’ve done”. It matters much less what you’re worth. The only thing you’re good for is to be the example of poor rage management and foul language.
Is it normal to keep a written inventory of your fridge(s) and freezer(s), so u never run out of food, but without wasting food? :
Если замоченные в майонезе купинные ножки потушить на луковой подушке в скороварке, с перчиком и лавровым листом, на протяжении 4х часов, вы получите вкус пельменей.
Because documentation and training is not enough to keep people from doing stupid.
When you think you’re at the highest level of mental retardation, remember that Windows drops wifi connection when an external USB monitor is connected and nobody relates it to the actual electical noise made by the cable. https://answers.microsoft.com/en-us/surface/forum/all/external-monitor-drops-wifi/8db43590-1e07-4d7d-b2d1-1389966bd75b?page=1
Bae is having a remote D&D session, which triggers massive flash backs to the time when I was 5 and playing dolls with my sister. (She always wanted the Ken for her Barbie, I was fighting Schredder in a space ship, but also owe a house with a pool and a jeep) It’s ridiculously similar, … Continue reading D&D
Seriously considering scripting the process of taking the first available timeslot as soon as it’s published and automatically checking out. The only store that delivers to my parents or my BF place is overwhelmed with orders. Can’t save the world by laying on the coutch if ain’t got my essentials! I’m not even asking for … Continue reading Delivery
That feeling, when you’ve been wearing a gas mask for years, before it became mainstream… Equipped parents with one of mine, so they can buy them for all of us. There’s no more gas masks in the stores. “Out of stock” on masks and filters on Amazon/CanadianTire/HomeDepot/Rona grows exponentially. Prices on gas masks tripled and … Continue reading Quarantine
Если лыжи не едут, может быть, это просто лыжи неправильные.
Don’t expect to be the most important wooman in his life. You can never outstand mommy. Much less, outshine.
If I wasn’t accostumed to the fact that sysadmins/devops related people is lower than the janitors in the corporate “food chain”, I would find insulting that all IT related people in the video are portrait as clinical retards. Oh wait… I have to take notes on how to properly do regex and not print the … Continue reading Bitching
My boyfriend says that my spirit animal is a snail because I’m always wet and slow. This way to critisize my code is so elaborate, I can’t even get mad at it.
“scumfucking trashfire garbage” pretty well describes the network infrastructure we’re dealing with. “Shortterm backups for longterm misery” – When you snapshot anything and everything, but tag nothing. “Failing towards consistency” – this is how progress begins Nagios: a case study of how to fuck shit up Icinga: self abuse tool
I define vars in vars files. I encrypt all the things. I no longuer know where did I define that var…
People kept insisting, I’m the Queen.
*rubber duck debugging:* method of debugging code where the programmer explains his code line-by-line to a rubber duck. *rubber dick debugging:* method of debugging code, you walk around with a giant dildo in hands and slap the coder with it each time he does something stupid.
Dude claiming to be a social engineer on his instagram profile. Humanity is doomed.
Too lazy to write ansible templates. Generate templates with a bash one liner that does not fit on a 27inch screen from current config files. This is incest, isn’t it?
Punk concert: – What u r protesting against? – Not ur first Bad Religion show! You’re a true fan because the song… oh… allergies? Fuck that! – Take it off, you can’t breathe with that! – I’m a dog groomer / firefighter! I know what that is! – Cool! – Take it off, you’re not … Continue reading Gas mask
Нет ничего невозможного, если ты охерел до нужной степени. Такое настроение сегодня хорошее, что не в сказке сказать, ни матом сформулировать. Как говорила моя бабушка, если напакостила, а чувство вины так и не пришло – значит, всё правильно сделала. После 30 у женщин слабеют мышцы ушей и лапша перестает дердаться.
…in all the possible ways…
Я сосед. У меня трава упористее.
Entered elevator. Lights went off. Elevator stopped. Had to be rescued like a princess. Firefighters were cute. Must do this more often (still single) I’ve pressed buttons. He pressed buttons. I’ve sat my ass on the floor (thought it would take hours). He sat his buttox on the floor. I’ve called the operator. He finally … Continue reading Lead like a queen. (this title needs more arroganse)
A cute guy told me today that he saw a picture and it made him think about me. This is what it was…
Make things go faster by doing something stupid… © Talorito
Spring has come. 3 of my ex’es called. An one night stand fuck messaged me to “build a relationship”. A 37 years old grandpa tried to convince me I need to meet him (at 11pm).
I’ve spent a couple of hours trying to query some info from about 500 servers. It was an one time task. Then it came to me… a bash one liner, showing the current status of my mental retardation.
I’m just horizontally challenged…
This is how I write documentation. … literally… That ebgers me!
Sometimes I wonder how people manage to be excellent in multiple domains. How it’s possible, the same person exceeds all the known limits on mental retardation and annoyance at the same time. He deserves a prize.
Security is like a unicorn, we all love it, but does not exist.
Life often presents us with difficult decisions to make, such as “do I keep on with the diet and exercise or just eat the damn waffles and become the symbol of 2019?”
You never realize the amount of authenticators you have until you switch phones.
I wanted to get up at 6 and to to the gym before work. I got up at 4 and went to the fridge and back to sleep. I consider myself fit, because I still fit into sweat panths.
Rice paper is just condoms for food…
Why all the best shopping ideas come the day after black friday? All those backpacks and leggings I’ve could have gotten…
I’ve recovered a mail account to which I didn’t log in in decades. Guess what I found… a job offer… that matches my profile… It seems HR are pretty despered and ingenious those days.
I’m the generation that automates legacy. This is when I see old sysadmins being decommissioned. In today’s cloud (agnostic) world, the second you stop, you’re done. We’re the infrastructure, because we’re the code. This is just real life autoscaling. We’re all just another image on the internets.
I’ve found the true unicorn. His code works mainly because of magic. If there was no magic, shit would have burned a long time a go.
They grow up so fast… My mom got her first smartphone. She can now share pictures of her flowers with her friends… …after I’ve blocked an entire arabic family from Lybia who was spamming the number through whatsup in arabic… Chat logs were available for longer than what the phone was in our possession. Also … Continue reading Security is a derp
I don’t master the pokerface at all. So much to learn.
This week, I’ve asked that question more times than the last year, but I’m slowly approaching the stage of acceptance. It’s ok.
Dear Internet, I’m in love. Today is the first day in my life where a linux laptop with encryption and anti-virus was provided to me as the “default”, just like other people get Windows and Mac, I got Linux, a secured one. There’s a first time for everything. Things you don’t believe in, may suddently … Continue reading <3
I’ve got my rose gold glitter shoes in the mail. They’re from China and run one size small. What I’ll wear now for my first day of work?!
Пришла на собеседование красивая. Там решили, что я умная и дали бабла. Обьявила маме зарплату. Она разволновалась. Спросила нужно ли теперь ездить на работу и есть ли место с аналогичными условиями, где на работу ездить не надо. Действительно…
I’ve unlocked a new achievement in life: Fail every single question from an interview, even those that are basic and those that I know BECAUSE I WAS USING THEM EVERY SINGLE DAY BEFORE VACATION!!!!! … and the second, your ass touches the car sit, it’s even worse, because all those responses and more are slowly … Continue reading 503: Brain not available.
латук и прочий шпинат (без фанатизма, kale, чикория и прочей жесткой/душистой травы) помидоры огурци тунец (банка на рыло) морковка (не обязательно) вареное яйцо (количество по вкусу) майонез
Банка тунца тертый сыр авокадо майонез (если авокадо недостаточно спелый)
Тонко накрошенная капуста Тертая морковка 1шт (для красоты) Столовая ложка сахара без горки на тазик (не перестастить!) Лмонный сок Перемешать и “пожмякать” руками, что бы капуста пустила сок.
Перелопатила грузовик мульчи. Мать начала называть электро-турбо-дизельным экскаватором. Непоняяяяятно. В меня же надо пиво заливать.
Зашла на тиндер, получила предложение о работе… по специальности, а не то, о чем вы подумали. ———————————————————————————————————— I went on tinder. Got a job offer. Not the one you think, but actually to work as a sysadmin. It’s time to get another cat.
Живу я очень бедно, ем заплесневелый сыр, пью просроченное вино, езжу на машине без крыши… С просторов ентих ваших инретнетов, но на самом деле всё так и есть…
Наверное это старость. Хочу беспроводный супер-пупер пылесос за 300 баксов, мега-швабру, новый хламадильник и понтовый очиститель воздуха…
У всех людей зоопарк тараканов в голове, но к своему тридцатничку, я всё же еще не поняла кто мои… 300 спартанцев или подразделение ВДВ.
I really wonder, if it’s a good or a bad thing that cellphones adapt your auto completion suggestions depending on the type of app you’re using. On one hand, I’m pretty happy there’s no BDSM terminology when I’m composing emails, on the other, it seems that the rise of the machines isn’t that far away … Continue reading The end is near!
My ex-boss is like Microsoft, he fucks people in the ass with a big fisting dildo and no lub, while smiling and telling it’s for their own good. Sorry dude, but I’m Gentoo based.
Your attempts to keep your privacy are futile. Surrender, puny bag of meat! I’ve never linked my instagram to my facebook, yet, can login in insta with facebook with no issues whatsoever.
Tatoos are the reflection of the soul’s poverty. …even the pretty ones…
… to IT. Got this in my mailbox: “Women Tech Leaders (And Male Allies) At Motivate Want To Meet You” This is like gangrene, you miss the moment when it starts to matter which body part you have for fucking in the computer field, but when you realize it, it’s already too late. Soon, the only … Continue reading Plague is spreading
Returned from a 3 month sick leave for anxiety & depression. Worked for 2 months. Told boss anxiety is getting to the point where I can’t manage it any more, mainly because of lack of windows, natural light and current construction noise. Got told I should compensate my co-workers for not doing oncall (prohibited by … Continue reading Butthurt
They’ve hired a blonde tech girl who speaks more languages than me. I’m not special any more. I’m still prettier tho!
I’ve been checking mah fitbit at the same time every day for a while. There’s about 200 additional calories burned by 2pm if I’m coding something. I wonder if this is why I constantly craving sugar while at the office.
Sometimes you feel like a dumb fucktard. Then your boss tells you’re the first one to pass X certification, that other people didn’t pass yet (and you know they’ve tried), but you’re like, well… it must be easier for me, because bla bla, derpy derp and trololo. Accepting own stupidity for some reason is way … Continue reading Dumb
The faster is mah internet, the slower the gifs load.
Getting pad thai from uber eats (preparation and delivery) is way faster than just waiting in line in Thai Express and then waiting for the order to be made. So technically, I ate 1.5k calories and have a great justification for not moving to burn at least some of those off… cuz it’s not taking … Continue reading Foodsies
Since my level of retardation varies depending on the day, I need to put this somewhere. Loop_vars causes a segmentation fault in my brain, so hopefully, this example won’t cause me to loose a shit ton time again. vars.yml vhosts: – name: clusterfuck production: “clusterfuck.community” staging: “clusterfuck.community” sandbox1: “clusterfuck.community” – name: dirtyinode production: “dirtyinode.me” staging: … Continue reading Ansible for derps
I’ve realised that making your bed is easier than cleaning cat hair off the sheets. Is this the kind of aging that comes after 30? It’s scarry!
Took a 3h nap after having 2 mugs of pretty strong coffee. According to the amount of sleep I need per day, I’m somewhere between 3 and 6.
My banc must have realised, their identity verification on the phone sucks so much, that they’ve quit doing it. Now you simply need the card number to retrieve information to set up direct deposit and do other stuff. In wrong hands, your card could be a big pain in the ass. Don’t lose your … Continue reading Saturday facepalms
A while a go, I asked a dude, how he spotted I’m batshit crazy, what’s the thing that makes me different. He promised to think about it, but never told me the conclusion. I finally understood. It’s because I am… I’ve come to the realisation, that I may be an ork in real life. … Continue reading Life realisations of an Orc
Juniper is a berrie, Elk is an animal, Vault is a type of ceiling. “Vault Architecture” search does not give me what I’ve meant at all. Live is hard. Later on, the universe decided keep reminding me, it’s all mater of perspective.
Trisha Paytas got her tits done… and they look “natural”, like if she had grown them… they look worse than mine… I’m at the stage of my life, where I don’t have to look up “ugly boobs” on the internet to feel better… cuz people are paying ridiculous amount of money to get what I’ve … Continue reading Realisations about tits
I was the only one to be nerd in miles. Now every second profile on a dating app says “I’m so nerd”, every other one says “I’m a huge geek”. Sad. Being a weirdo is still not cool tho,
My facebook is adulting. I’ve asked “yes or no” to a fucking expensive videocard and everyone sayed “no”. Poor eldery people. Adulting must suck.
I’ve never thought that installing fancy fonts could be ever usefull for something else than eyecandy. Results, you need them to convert QR in shell output to image file. I’m feeling trully blonde today. So much time wasted due to a stupid missing font… and I wont start with the 300 mails in 1 minute … Continue reading Fonts
Sunday morning maintenance is when you don’t mute monitoring intentionally, so it wakes you up in case you fall asleep.
I’ve been feeling lately, this is my IQ level when I try to learn something new…
Вот смотрю на енти ихние америко-канадские семьи и понимаю, что у меня никогда такого не будет. Уж больно они скучные нормальные. Накрашенные девушки со своими парнями. 2 бутылки вина на 8 человек, а “праздничный” ужин, намопинаеющий мою диету… Честно попыталась представить, как бы выглядела моя семья в такой ситуации, но никак не получаеться убрать ебанутость. … Continue reading Ебанутость или яблочко от яблоньки…
По утрам, девушки деляться на 4 типа: Пусть не накрашусь, но посплю. Пусть не накрашусь, но пожру. Пусть не посплю и не пожру, но накрашусь. Везде блядь опоздаю, но посплю, пожру и накрашусь!
Someone you’ve always considered stronger and smarter, lays in coma in a hospital. We’re all bags of meat.
When I’ve chosen the path of the SysAdmin, you had to have skills and brains to be one. Today, you just need a vagina because “females in IT” and “the gender gap”. This is not equality. This shit is completely dismissing all effort, time and dedication I’ve put in my vocation, as well as the … Continue reading Feminism is cancer
It does not matter how retarded or sarcastic my instagram shit is. Someone will like it if it got #femenism on it.
Teaching girls how to download photos and videos from instagram xD
Samsung really cares for the security of the data on your phone. If you didn’t unlock it for 24hs using the fingerprint, it asks you to enter the password. Do they assume that each 24hs someone else could have my finger? Logic? Clearly missing.
Сходила к писькиному дохтуру, приказали лечить голову.
Sometimes you’re oncall. Sometimes u have to wake up people. Sometimes u feel really sorry for them, cuz they sound realy tired. Sometimes, they wish you “Good Night”. Funny fact. The other oncall dude will txt u saying it’s resolved, cuz if u awake, u text back, but if you sleep, he does not wake … Continue reading Sometimes
When you’re 16, you cry because you have to leave your friends. When you’re 30, you look back and really feel thankful to not have the same kind of life and to not see any more of those people. “People change” and “people don’t change” at the same time. I’m the same as when … Continue reading Present
Less is not more… I watch my old “friends” and aquitances get covered in stupid and sit on their asses burning their lives in vain. Because the name of one of your dogs is important enough to get it forever across your chest, as a poor quality tatoo. I don’t know if it’s out of … Continue reading Less is not more